tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82593747665326189652024-03-13T08:56:03.921-07:00Musings of The GogginTheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-26782059229507472992020-04-09T10:06:00.000-07:002020-04-09T10:06:08.599-07:00Lockdown - I've hit a wall today.<div style="border: 0px; color: #201f1e; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m exhausted. So exhausted I’m not even sure I can put all my thoughts into words. But my head feels so full that it seems imperative at least to try.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m angry. Angry that they don’t have enough fucking ventilators. Or PPE. Angry that I can’t get any masks online unless we want to pay 10 x the usual cost. Angry that Doctors will, at some point, have to choose who lives and dies, when actually, we could probably have sorted it out so that didn’t need to be the case. Angry MP's have been offered the option to claim an extra £10K in expenses for working from home, when everyone else is absolutely fucked. Angry that I am even angry and terrified about all that on top of everything else.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m frustrated. Frustrated that we had massive plans this year - to get some new skills, to move out of London, to maybe start a new life of sorts. And now all that is on hold, and I have no idea for how long. Or if we can financially sustain this current life. Which we almost certainly can’t.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m frustrated that my Mother keeps calling me up with new ideas of how we can get some food shopping, despite me explaining to her that I’ve already tried everywhere. “I’ve found this company called Riverford darling, they do vegetable boxes. I’ve been calling them this morning but no one’s picking up”. “Why do you think that is Mother?”. “I have no idea darling”. Because they’re not taking any fucking new customers. Like everywhere else. Like I already told you. Sweet mother of god. Every day there’s a new idea. Much like when she explained she was going to pop to her local Waitrose and explain she’s not on a computer and could she write them a list and they deliver it each week..... </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m scared. Scared we might not see them again in person. Because we all know that if push comes to shove, the over 70’s won’t be saved. I’m scared when I go to the shops. Not immediately. I’m usually pretty calm on the way there. But once you’ve queued up, shopped, paid, got on the bus back, the panic levels are rising. And you wonder whether you should just put the ridiculously priced fruit and veg deliveries that have cropped up around London, on your credit card, and order Pampers online even though they’re 3 times the cost of Lidl nappies and not as good, rather than actually going into shops. Because it feels like you’re dicing with death. Especially when some people literally have the whole breadth of the pavement but walk right past next to you.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then I get worried. Is my mental health ok? Is this level of panic normal? Am I slowly but surely losing my mind. Because this shit is hard as fuck. It’s hard enough trying to regulate your own self. Your own emotions and anxieties. Then you have your partner and you’re sometimes regulating them and they’re sometimes regulating you. And then there’s the kids. And we try to parent gently. We try to regulate our emotions so as not to shout (we don’t always succeed). But now... now, regulating my emotions to keep the kids steady, is so much harder. Because I’m managing all the usual day to day stuff, plus all the big stuff.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And they’re feeling it too. Of course they are. Hector keeps asking lots of questions about death. He's had a couple of accidents. Some nightmares. Arno has just started running to the bathroom, climbing on the step and turning the tap on and then laughing manically, arms raised in triumphant celebration shouting “Did it! Did it” over and over. But I can also see he’s missing one on one time with me, because he used to get loads of it whilst Hector was at school, and now he gets very little.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m torn. Torn about our future. I’ve spent the last year or so being miserable at the lack of job. Miserable I don’t get to do what I want to. What I feel I’m meant to. So I signed up for a TEFL course, and to get accredited to teach yoga to kids, and to do a placement at a Kindergarten to see if I like it. So that I had some qualifications. Some stuff I could maybe do whilst still holding on to the performing dream. Or to just do and set aside that dream. And the last couple of weeks have left me flipping from side to side - life’s too short, don’t give up on the dream - life’s too short to keep trying to do something and not succeeding often enough that it makes me unhappy. Torn about whether we do jack it all in and move to Italy (yes I know, we picked the epicentre 🤣), or keep a hand in and go to Brighton. All I do know, is the only times I’ve felt truly calm, or sane, in the past few weeks, are when I’ve been singing or doing yoga.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m horrified at how hard it is being together all the time. It is exhausting! The kids wake at 6am ish and go to sleep by 9pm. There is no break. No break at all. We weren’t made for this surely. My friend said we weren’t made to live with the opposite sex. Well, not all the time, anyhow. She’s probably right. There’s only so many times he can put the duvet the wrong way round in the duvet cover. Or time the shaving of his beard for just after I’ve cleaned the bathroom. Or not wash up the outside of things. Or the bottom of things. Or not put his glasses in a sodding case so he doesn’t have to wear a pair missing an arm. Because he can’t find his spare pair either. Or wear 5 jumpers at a time (I shit you not), even though it’s approaching summer temperatures.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m frequently taken aback. By the blossom tree outside our window. By the birds. By the smell jasmine on our daily walk. By the blue skies. By the extra cuddles or the little hand taking mine to climb a wall. Because life is at once mental and without break, and yet infinitely slower. Sometimes monotonous. Breakingly so. There’s an arduousness to this routine that can be soul destroying. But there’s also freedom. Moments. Chunks of time. And way too much social media. And CBeebies. Thank Christ for them.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I haven’t done any tiktok. Or written a play. Or recorded myself singing a song. Or practised my self-taping. Or learnt a language. Because I am just about surviving. Just about keeping 2 kids and a husband fed and watered and entertained. Barely squeezing in 5 minutes of meditation or stretches or remembering to take my vitamins. Surviving. And I am grateful for that. Because some aren’t. 3 friends have lost their Fathers this week to it. My Dad’s friend of 40+yrs passed away yesterday. We’re all going to be touched by it, at the very least. So I’m focusing on survival. And nabbing delivery slots. And sourcing a crate of wine. And chalk for the kids.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Stay safe one and all x</span></span></div>
TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-37416185559235694642019-10-10T05:47:00.000-07:002019-10-10T05:49:09.162-07:00Why Mums might not go the distance as actors...<div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It’s a lovely job. Nice people. I get to see some theatre for free. I can walk there in half an hour. I love the building, the ethos, I’d like an actual acting job there. It’s a job I can do without paying for childcare. Which is just as well, as childcare costs £12 an hour.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I’ve had many day jobs in my time. Some temporary, some part-time, some full-time and permanent. I was good at them. I worked hard at them. The last full-time EA job paid me £40k a year. I have a brain and skills and a good work ethic [I think! You’d have to ask some former bosses to be sure]. But, I want to act. And any day job, no matter how much I’ve enjoyed it or felt a sense of satisfaction from it, doesn’t engage my heart or my soul. Doesn’t make me feel alive. Isn’t where I’m meant to be.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And so. I guess if you’re in work fairly regularly as an actor, you can get by. Or if you partner has a steady, well-paid job, then you can get by. But if you’re both creatives, both juggling the need to pay the bills with the need to keep your talent and your soul alive, and your light shining (and that’s a biggie), and you’re not getting that much work, and you have 2 kids, what do you do? Does one of you take the hit for a few years and then you swap? I’m not sure the acting industry works like that....</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So my options, as they seem to me currently (and bear with me but I think the actual practicalities/options are worth stating), in lieu of a well-paid acting job appearing forthwith, are:</span></div>
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<li style="margin-left: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Work from home doing PA / typing stuff. Which is theoretically possible, but baby has a max 2hr nap a day, not guaranteed. Evenings are busy and in a 2 bed flat, there isn’t really a place I can hide from the kids to try and do some typing without them coming to assist with the “button pressing”.</span></li>
<li style="margin-left: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Sign up for temp work as a PA etc. But the joy of temp jobs is that they are mostly short notice, which I can’t do with school drop offs/pick ups and a 13 month old. Without paying for childcare. And I'm genuinely not sure I have any more space in my brain to do this sort of work currently!</span></li>
<li style="margin-left: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Get a job I can do out of office hours with minimal impact on family life, which may not pay as highly as options 1 and 2. See above usher job.</span></li>
<li style="margin-left: 15px;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Jack it in and find an alternative career, one that doesn’t require paid study or training, because no grants/loans are available if you’ve already got one degree, and CHILDCARE, and I have enough organising to do on a day to day basis with a husband and 2 kids, without going to work to organise some more people, no matter how well paid.</span></li>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So those are the logistical, financial issues at play. And I haven’t even touched on managing on a touring wage when you need to find digs suitable for yourself and a baby (and childcare, that old chestnut), and indeed husband and older kid(s), at a weekend, or the travel. Or even just managing the logistics and finances of arranging or cancelling childcare for little ones at short notice when the call sheet for any given day in rehearsal / tech / production week, gets sent out late into the evening the night before... </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Let’s move to the emotional and mental issues for a mum who is also an actor.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Parenting, it seems to me, for all its many joys and hilarity, is also a daily exercise in how you deal with failure. And guilt. Which are by no means the lion’s share of the day, but are a very present and daily occurrence. Managed to keep calm for 90% of the day despite repeating every request at least 3 times, but focused on the 10% where I raised my voice? Managed to get them out of the house, clean and dressed and on time, only to look in the mirror and realise I have some crumpet squashed into my boob and a sliver of ham in my unwashed hair, as I navigate the hedge-fund mums in their floaty dresses and coiffed tresses who have their nanny in tow at the school gates? Remembered to write half the thank you’s for their Birthdays from 2 months ago, but haven’t posted them or written the other half? Managed not to crack open the wine before 5, but have moved on to 3 coffees a day to keep my eyes open? Tick.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It’s a tough gig. Rewarding. Joyful. Enlightening. Hilarious. Infuriating. Exhausting. And then there’s the acting. Which, as we know, is a world of excitement and anticipation and rejection and failure and excitement and anticipation and rejection.... that ever spinning wheel of emotions. Much like buying a lottery ticket. With only moderately better odds.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Life has felt tough of late. And in part that is due to the kids ages - Hector has just started school and Arno is crawling like a madman. And having no family nearby. It’s the toughest point. I know that. Deep down, I know. But I have genuinely wondered lately how people survive it. Not just in terms of their own mental and emotional health. But how they weather the storm of parenting and trying to carve out a career which feels so hard. And out of reach.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The hardest thing, is knowing that you are good at what you do, not that I’m Meryl Streep, but I have a whole fucking world of parts I know I can do, and wondering if I’ll ever actually get to do them. Because work begets work. And if we live in a society where there isn’t enough support for parents (and for mums especially), where family aren’t as involved, where childcare is exorbitant, and the economy is about to go fully tits up, then you perhaps find yourself in a position where you have to do some other work. To survive. And then you’re not free for the acting work.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And the other hardest thing, is knowing that you can stand on one leg with one baby on a boob and a 4yr old “helping” you cook, whilst noting down what shopping you need and singing along to your repertoire playlist so you can fit in practicing your songs, whilst texting the PTA, and remember *some birthdays and learn a scene in one evening and work out some way to film it and send it at the crack of dawn without having a breakdown, and saying NO, I don’t already have loads of West End runs on my CV but I fucking should, and YES I can - just look at HOW MUCH I am doing, all at the same fucking time, so give me an audition and give me a fucking job for the love of God. Actually. Just look at how much I am doing. How much Mums are doing. Which is not to take away from Dads. But Mums. Mums are on fire and putting out fires at once.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I don’t have any answers. I can’t currently work out how anyone with more than one child, gets to bed before midnight. I’d be curious to know how people do that. How couples manage to have sex without paying a childminder to take the kids out so they can actually find the time and not be keeping an ear out for a plaintive cry. I haven't even managed to start reading the books on Motherhood that I want to read as research to write a play on Motherhood.What jobs parents do in between acting or other creative jobs. How you cope. How you pay your bills. How you sleep. How you keep your light shining. Tell me. I’m all ears.</span></div>
TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-11352529453844336812019-04-05T14:58:00.000-07:002019-04-05T15:01:22.123-07:00Going to the Theatre with Babies and Toddlers!<div style="border: 0px; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Yes, the toddler will probably want a wee 10 minutes into the show when you’ve just got the baby to sleep but haven’t managed to shove your boob back in your bra underneath the baby carrier.</span> </span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Yes, your baby probably will save his daily/weekly poo for when he’s in the carrier, on you, mid show.</span> </span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Yes, your toddler may well shout out at an inappropriate time or decide that the show would be FAR better if he was on the stage / in the aisle blocking all fire exits / sitting on your head.</span> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And yes, in all likelihood you are going to bump into a parent you know, who may well look perfectly coiffed and poised, whilst you look like absolute shit because you haven’t slept, or brushed your hair, and your nursing bra makes your entire body look awful because your tits are about a foot below where they should be.</span> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">BUT....</span> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It will be brilliant. There will be many other parents battling the same struggles. And every time you go, it gets easier.</span> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nqlg6NHoEuY/XKe6jQ4osQI/AAAAAAAAAN4/f71USssGE7EY62HmM-fj49UB4Tn1mrUKQCLcBGAs/s1600/thumbnail_IMG_9610.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1108" data-original-width="1280" height="277" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nqlg6NHoEuY/XKe6jQ4osQI/AAAAAAAAAN4/f71USssGE7EY62HmM-fj49UB4Tn1mrUKQCLcBGAs/s320/thumbnail_IMG_9610.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">When I took our eldest to the Theatre (pre our youngest arriving), I remember thinking how proud I felt that I’d made it out of the house and managed to feed him and get him to sleep, and negotiated the buggy park (it’s a cut throat business, dropping off and picking up the pram). As he got older, and started trying to climb over seats and not sleep, it was sometimes pretty tough. Mostly because I felt we would be disturbing the other punters....</span> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">But look around. All the children are doing the same. At any one time, a child will be kicking another as they shift about in their seat, they’ll be joining in with the songs or singing their own entirely, repeatedly asking for snacks, and asking really loudly if it’s nearly finished when it’s actually only just begun. Or announcing the arrival of the </span><span style="color: cyan;">Tiger</span><span style="color: white;">, 3 entrances before he's actually due to appear, to the entire auditorium in his biggest voice (ah my lad 💗).</span></span></span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"> </span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I used to look at the Parent with more than one child in absolute fucking awe. Like that was an assault course that I couldn’t imagine ever completing. And now I have. Quite a few times actually. The baby sometimes sleeps or sometimes watches. The toddler asks questions and steadily gets more and more involved. It is joyous. Crazy, knackering, sometimes VERY frustrating. But joyous.</span> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So... what are your options?</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span><br />
<ol>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: white;">A Theatre that specialises in shows for Children, or offers lots of family theatre - like </span><a href="https://www.unicorntheatre.com/whatson" target="_blank"><span style="color: cyan;">The Unicorn</span></a><span style="color: white;">, </span><a href="https://littleangeltheatre.com/about-us/" target="_blank"><span style="color: cyan;">Little Ange</span></a><a href="https://littleangeltheatre.com/about-us/" style="color: white;" target="_blank">l</a><span style="color: white;">, </span><a href="https://polkatheatre.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: cyan;">Polka</span></a><span style="color: white;"> and </span><a href="https://www.rosetheatrekingston.org/" target="_blank"><span style="color: cyan;">The Rose</span></a><span style="color: white;"> and </span><a href="https://lyric.co.uk/" target="_blank"><span style="color: cyan;">The Lyric</span></a><span style="color: white;"> </span><i style="color: white;">(I'm aware my knowledge is utterly London centric and apologies for not having the time to research more (cos you know, kids!) - if you run a Chidren's Theatre regionally, pls pop me a message and I'll add a list at the bottom of this blog post for reference</i><span style="color: white;">). Their programmes vary by age. And babes in arms are usually free. The facilities are fab, and the staff are too. </span></span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: white;">You can take them to a kids show at a Theatre that isn’t specifically set up for children. Loads of the classics like </span><a href="https://www.tallstories.org.uk/the-gruffalo/dates-and-tickets" target="_blank"><span style="color: cyan;">The Gruffalo</span></a><span style="color: white;"> and </span><a href="https://www.tallstories.org.uk/room-on-the-broom" target="_blank"><span style="color: cyan;">Room on the Broom</span></a><span style="color: white;"> are on at Theatres throughout the UK in the holidays. Tickets are a bit pricier than the Children’s Theatres, and the facilities aren’t always massively set up for babies/small children, esp in the older West End Theatres. (eg lack of baby change - take a mat with you). The </span><a href="https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/festivals-series/imagine-childrens-festival" target="_blank"><span style="color: cyan;">Imagine Children's Festival at The Royal Festival Hal</span></a><a href="https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/festivals-series/imagine-childrens-festival" target="_blank"><span style="color: cyan;">l</span></a><span style="color: white;"> is also brilliant - with free stuff as well as paid. And Producers take note - it doesn't take much to add some baby facilities - the RFH set up some trestle tables with 5/6 baby change mats and some heavy duty bins, behind some grey screens. Parents aren't too fussy you know - we'll change babies pretty much anywhere; they don’t have to be snazzy (or all in the Ladies toilets, cos Dads do this too, right? 🙄) ! </span></span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: white;">Or... you can take babes in arms to an actual adult show. You know, the plays/musicals you used to watch before you became a parent. Some fringe theatres offer a parent/baby or relaxed performance - </span><span style="color: cyan;"><a href="https://theatre503.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: cyan;">Theatre 503</span></a> </span></span><span style="background-color: black; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: white;">does one of each for every show that has a full run. And recently, </span><a href="https://www.nimaxtheatres.com/shows/emilia/" target="_blank"><span style="color: cyan;">Emilia The Play</span></a><span style="color: white;"> has announced the first ever parent/baby matinee in the West End (and the tickets are v reasonable as they’ve allocated a free seat for the baby for every adult ticket booked!).</span></span></li>
</ol>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kbK_054ndwI/XKe6zRhTtII/AAAAAAAAAOA/Pej6f3_xCRs0DBt4uqZi1prz6vQk3PJSwCLcBGAs/s1600/thumbnail_IMG_9222.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kbK_054ndwI/XKe6zRhTtII/AAAAAAAAAOA/Pej6f3_xCRs0DBt4uqZi1prz6vQk3PJSwCLcBGAs/s320/thumbnail_IMG_9222.jpg" width="240" /></a></span></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b></b></span></span></span></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>Tips:</b></span> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Take lots of snacks. And water if you are breastfeeding. Make sure when everyone else in your row has taken their seat, you've got everything to hand. </span> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">If you’re seeing a kids show in a West End Theatre that has set up a buggy park - avoid taking the pram if you can manage with a carrier or toddlers can walk - they are totally secure but it can add 15mins at the end whilst you battle to find yours and they sometimes want you to fold them up.</span> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Allow loads of time and take them for a run around before if you can - Soho Square is good if you’re in town - anything so they aren’t climbing the walls having to sit/stand fairly still for an hour or more.</span> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Take a coin for binoculars if in traditional West End theatres (not because the views are bad, but because as soon as one child has a pair, they all want some).</span> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Go to the loo before it starts, safe in the knowledge they, or you, will need another wee mid way through, and take a travel change mat if you have one and are taking a bubba.</span> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Grab a booster seat on the way in - the ushers usually have them but I only cottoned on after about 3 Theatre visits.</span> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Go with a mate or your partner first time - it’ll make it less stressful and you can get the lie of the land and be well set up for a solo visit next time.</span> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Have a chat with the kids about not buying merchandise before going in - they often sell loads. So if you’ve headed it off with a suggestion that they can ask for stuff for Birthdays/Easter/Christmas, you’ll save a small fortune. Or you can sometimes get a picture with some of the cast in costume after, which is a good distraction.</span> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Don’t stress about getting up and returning or your baby crying. Everyone knows the gig. And we all know our babies. I’d take mine out if he was full on crying but not if he was a little disgruntled.</span> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Enjoy it! It isn’t always easy, but there is such joy in hearing our toddler talk for days about a show he’s seen. Or just the feeling that having managed a Theatre trip with 2 kids, that you could conquer the world. And there might be the odd time you move heaven and earth, or just your bank balance (cos, let’s face it, it’s a privilege and sometimes a sacrifice, to be able to take them), and they don’t enjoy it. They get bored. And you want to hit yourself over the head repeatedly in sheer frustration at the effort/output ratio. But that’s Theatre. Or indeed any live performance. And at least you’ll learn that they’re more interested in Dinosaurs than Witches. Or similar 😜</span> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: white;">I’m taking our baby Arno, to the Emilia Parent/Baby show on </span><a href="https://ticketing.nimaxtheatres.com/tickets/series/emilia/emilia-151942?startDate=04-24-2019" target="_blank"><span style="color: cyan;">Wednesday 24 April at 2.30pm</span></a><span style="color: white;"> ... Please come if you can - there's a handful of seats left. Join us!</span></span><span style="color: white;"> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yqgnCMIfLxM/XKe7Rx9TDYI/AAAAAAAAAOI/lV0BXWcjvJcik3BDT6u13apLKEWxelHLgCLcBGAs/s1600/thumbnail_IMG_0084.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yqgnCMIfLxM/XKe7Rx9TDYI/AAAAAAAAAOI/lV0BXWcjvJcik3BDT6u13apLKEWxelHLgCLcBGAs/s320/thumbnail_IMG_0084.jpg" width="240" /></a></span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">
</span><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">The more successful these parent/baby matinees are commercially, the more they will happen. Producers have to take a hit on profits as they require a little planning and need to leave some seats empty. But it means that those Theatregoers keep going. They still feel there is a place for them. They will keep going even when the babies grow up. They’ll be grateful for an opportunity to see something that isn’t specifically aimed at children. And I firmly believe that those children will grow into Theatre lovers. If it’s a place they feel familiar with, comfortable in, they will come and spend their money in due course. I should also say that the kids shows are a delight. It takes a massive amount of work to create something that keeps children entertained and also engages the parents - we are heading back to The Unicorn to spend the last of our Christmas vouchers watchi</span><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">ng</span><span style="color: cyan;"> <a href="https://www.unicorntheatre.com/polarbearsgo" target="_blank"><span style="color: cyan;">Polar Bears Go, Go, Go!</span></a></span><span style="color: cyan;"> </span><span style="color: white;">again, it was that good.</span></span></span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"> </span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: white;">I firmly believe every single major producing Theatre, and all the West End, should have a parent / baby matinee. No matter what the show. Admittedly the actors have to be on board. It may alter their performance for that one show. It may be difficult. It may be brilliant. Babies might cry in the poignant pauses. But let’s please open it up. Stand-ups get used to performing to rooms of silence and shouting (I once did a gig where all the audience were foreign and none of us got a laugh. For the whole night. Which was an open mic, and thus lasted about 2.5hrs. It was soul destroying and hilarious in equal measure. But we survived). Indeed, stand-ups do perform to parents/babies - check out</span><span style="color: cyan;"> <a href="http://screamingwithlaughter.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: cyan;">Screaming With Laughter</span></a></span><span style="color: white;">.</span></span><span style="color: cyan;"> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: white;">So it can be done. It just requires a shift of attitude. An acceptance that the usual pact between audience and performer might be skewed. If a Fringe Theatre like </span><span style="color: cyan;"><a href="https://theatre503.com/whats-on/the-amber-trap/" target="_blank"><span style="color: cyan;">Theatre 503</span></a> </span><span style="color: white;">can manage it for every show that has a 4 week run, then everyone can. Indeed, those with lots of funding or large charitable donations should absolutely feel an imperative to do so. And it's not only important for the general public, it's important for everyone in the Industry who have children, and want to keep in the loop. We lose talent along the way because we haven't adapted our practices - something that </span><a href="http://www.pipacampaign.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: cyan;">PIPA</span></a><span style="color: white;"> is already looking at. The very least we can do is make sure that that the Theatre is still accessible to those who work in it.</span></span><span style="color: white;"> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: white;">If you are holding a Parent/Baby Show, or want to know more about them, pls join our </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/581488598705848/?ref=share" target="_blank"><span style="color: cyan;">Facebook Group</span></a><span style="color: white;">, where you can share events. </span><span style="color: white;">We'll aim to collate a list of venues which we can share on the group and I'll add it into this blog as well.</span></span><span style="color: white;"> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased;" /></span><span style="background-color: black; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: white;">My dream: that it’s standard for Arts Council applications to include budgets for relaxed and parent/baby shows. That Producers of large scale shows or tours, automatically budget in parent & baby matinees. And perhaps a subsidised crèche for the toddlers who aren’t yet at school (</span><a href="https://www.artsprofessional.co.uk/magazine/article/toddlers-welcome" target="_blank"><span style="color: cyan;">Mismanaged Theatre</span></a><span style="color: white;"> did this recently with </span><a href="http://www.beaandco.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: cyan;">Bea & Co</span></a><span style="color: white;"> providing the crèche). And that this happens for all shows, not just the female led ones. Let’s push for all of this - it’s all do-able xxx</span></span><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></blockquote>
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TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-1001425687433912362017-02-20T14:30:00.003-08:002017-02-20T14:30:34.384-08:00A shadow of my former self???<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">When I listed myself on <a href="https://soulmates.theguardian.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Guardian Soulmates</span></a> in 2011, I
stated categorically that I wanted a partner who preferred to stay in bed on a
Sunday morning for some shenanigans, not one who wanted to go out for a jog, or
whose profile picture was a shot of them skiing. I have nothing against skiers
per se, it’s just that there only seemed to be two tribes of people on
Soulmates in those days: artistes, and skiers. Also, I can’t see your face in a
ski mask. Now, I haven’t started skiing. And I’ve barely begun jogging. But if
you see me in the near future, I may bore you senseless with my talk of
Banting. Not to be confused with ‘having a bant’ or some ‘bantz’, or indeed <a href="https://www.rsc.org.uk/shakespeares-contemporaries/past-productions/don-quixote" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">our beloved Swan Company</span></a> Whatsapp Group ‘Dr Bantermist’. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">You can all google, I won’t go into the specifics, but <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/recipes/11744213/Real-Meal-Revolution-Banting-high-fat-diet.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Banting is a diet</span></a>, or as the Banters like to call it, a WOE – way of eating. You
basically can eat as much fat as you like, moderate protein, and hardly any
carbs. I really do mean hardly any – under 30g* per day. As an average day, I
have scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast, protein and salad and cottage
cheese for lunch (plus 2 squares of 90% dark chocolate which isn’t really permitted,
but I’m still breastfeeding and I need some chocolate in my life), and protein
and veg for dinner, followed by blackberries and double cream. Booze has
sugar/carbs, but they don’t limit your booze – they leave it up to you. </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6ezJocwp1WY/WKttcTgtKkI/AAAAAAAAAKs/iVQyLMEZYkYvxOiLDBz5W_4MEI6u8abdwCLcB/s1600/gazrw-0003-frederick-banting-time.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6ezJocwp1WY/WKttcTgtKkI/AAAAAAAAAKs/iVQyLMEZYkYvxOiLDBz5W_4MEI6u8abdwCLcB/s320/gazrw-0003-frederick-banting-time.jpg" width="237" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Those that know me or have read previous blogs, know that
weight has always been an issue. I’ve done most diets. I’ve had colonics. I’ve
been to the gym. Hell, I even did a couple of 10k’s about a decade ago (the St
John’s Ambulance lady looked vaguely worried at my shade of purple, and I
probably jogged/walked it in the same time your average Joe could walk 10K but,
I did it). The only common denominator during all this time was that I was always
hungry. I literally cannot ever remember being on a diet and not being hungry. In
fact, most of my life I have felt peckish. All the time. Or been thinking about
my next meal ;-)</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So, why did I begin Banting? Well, I felt pretty lethargic and
kept getting poorly, and I was fat. <span> </span>But
primarily, I had high blood pressure and wanted to get off the medication for
it as I hate taking pills. I also wanted to be in a position that when another
job came along (please God), I was ready and able to do whatever the director
wanted, which is kind of important as an Actor. In Don Quixote, I kept busting
my knee attempting to step onto a tall ish box (actually I had two people helping
me up, bless them, but it still hurt), because I was overweight and I had zero
stomach muscles post C- Section. It still bugs me that I couldn’t do what they
wanted choreography wise. That I felt scared I might bugger up the routine or
the symmetry of the piece. We’re watching ‘<a href="http://www.channel4.com/programmes/this-is-us" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">This Is Us</span></a>’ on Sky at
the moment and the character Kate had this scene where her boyfriend told her
she had to stop letting the ‘fat’ rule her life. She explained that it is ever
present – when you’re sussing out the gaps between tables in a restaurant to
see which way you should go, when you have to put your bum in the face of
people at the theatre as you edge to your seat (I used to face them but we were
practically humping), the airplane seat belt, the knife edge every time you
take in some clothes to try on in a changing room. I could go on. It’s not
really a way to live. Though to be honest, most of the time I don’t even notice
I make all those calculations and adjustments – they’ve become part of my every
day life. And it wasn’t until that episode that I realised, shit, that’s what I
do. Husband helpfully told me I wasn’t as big as her, but that’s not really the
point.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So, said husband kindly said we could put a little of our
savings towards me having some personal training, so that I could feel a tad
more confident about what my body could achieve. My trainer, Malcolm,
recommended Banting. And I’m not sure I could be more grateful to anyone. Ever.
Because, after the first two weeks (I’m not going to lie, they were pretty
tough folks), during which you’re in sugar withdrawal and what they call ‘Carb
Flu’ descends, the hunger stopped. And I really do mean that. My husband didn’t
believe me. It took me about 3 weeks to persuade him and then he tried and
realised it was true. I’m not saying there are zero cravings, especially when I
pass a doughnut shop. But I can go hours without food. I’m not thinking about
food. My body feels calm. And it’s probably not just the diet – it’s the
training (we started at twice a week, and are now down to once a week so that I
get used to doing it on my own as well, quick smart before the dosh runs out!),
and I’ve been doing yoga once a week at <a href="https://batterseayoga.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Battersea Yoga</span></a> which is a true haven. And probably does more for my emotional and
mental health as much for any toning or fitness. Malcolm is high energy and,
for a trainer who primarily works in the parks, has OCD about dog poo, which I
find highly entertaining. It’s like they can smell his fear and they all run
over to him and look like they’re about to mark their territory, whilst he
stands still as a statue pretending it isn’t happening.</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0eFK9bjX1fo/WKttvJA7vpI/AAAAAAAAAKw/FhvHjX95Wvst-Av1yZ4y6_kufyH13MEiwCLcB/s1600/Exercise%2Bshot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0eFK9bjX1fo/WKttvJA7vpI/AAAAAAAAAKw/FhvHjX95Wvst-Av1yZ4y6_kufyH13MEiwCLcB/s320/Exercise%2Bshot.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Now, the key is, does the weight stay off. And I guess we’ll
have to see. But every other major diet I’ve done hasn’t ever seemed
sustainable, and this is. I began just shy of 4 months ago. I’ve lost 15kilos,
20cm off my waist, my blood pressure is 118/80 and my resting heart rate has
dropped from 93 to 70. I list those not to brag, but to emphasise that all has
happened WITHOUT being hungry. And I’ll be honest, I debated about posting
this. Because I look at the women’s magazines on the shelves and they’re all
covered in diet stuff. I’d say at least a third of all the posts in my various
groups on Facebook (primarily for mums, but not all) are about wanting to lose
weight or getting fit. And the story is always the same – always hungry, fell
off the wagon, back on the wagon, etc etc. And I feel sort of evangelical about
this WOE. And I want to shout it from the rooftops. And I know for many of my
friends, weight isn’t an issue – they can eat what they like. But since the 70’s
when the US suddenly decided fat was bad, and carbs were good, obesity has
steadily risen. And it makes me beyond angry that we were fed advice that was
actually wrong. The US has recently changed their <a href="https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/2016/01/07/new-dietary-guidelines-remove-restriction-on-total-fat-and-set-limit-for-added-sugars-but-censor-conclusions/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: white;">dietary guidelines</span></span></a> and there is now ZERO limit on fat intake, but there is on
sugar. I could go on about this all day, but if you want to read more, I’d
suggest starting with Jason’s Fung’s <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/d/Books/Obesity-Code-Unlocking-Secrets-Weight/1771641258" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">The Obesity Code</span></a>. Similarly, if you want some personal training or Banting
coaching, I’d highly recommend <a href="http://www.movtime.co.uk/about-us/4591096854" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Malcolm</span></a>. Just bring a
pooper scooper ;-)</span></span><br /><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">It’s probably also worth saying that according to the joy of
the medical profession that is the <a href="https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/bmi-is-a-terrible-measure-of-health/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">BMI Scale</span></a>, I still have 14 kilos to lose, just so that I fall into the ‘overweight’
category, rather than the ‘obese’ one. So, I have a little way to go, though I have
no desire to be super skinny. I like being curvy. I like the freedom of it. The
non conformity of it, I suppose. I like falling into the ‘character’ actress
category, and given that even if I do shed another 14 kilos, I’ll still be
larger than most actresses, I think that casting bracket is safe, though I
might need some new headshots soon. Most importantly, I’ve assured the husband
that even at my smallest, the boobs didn’t really decrease, so he’s happy.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Yours,</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Gem (soon to be seen high kicking for 2 hours non stop in
the West End. I’m not, but you know, I could… ) x</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">*for the breastfeeding mums – I started at 80g of carbs per
day and reduced by 5g per week, so that I could check it wasn’t affecting my
supply. I now average 40g per d</span></span>ay. </div>
TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-58800750363483477102017-01-27T12:47:00.002-08:002017-01-27T12:47:28.247-08:00Brother of Mine<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Last year, my friend's brother died suddenly. I couldn't imagine what that must have felt like for him, or indeed his parents, his partner, or their young baby. Then two weeks ago my Brother died, alone, in the shower, and his wife and oldest son found him. And everything became unreal.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Unreal because we'd seen him two days before and he looked pretty healthy, and happy. Unreal because he was mid fifties and that is way too young. Unreal because some fucking narcissistic nut job has become the most important person in the world (or has he?) and Brexit is nonsense and the NHS is crumbling and everyone can see it but we don't seem to be able to stop it even though it feels like we are plummeting.... life goes on. But it also keeps stopping suddenly. Like when I look at the list of Christmas thank you's I have yet to begin and my Brother's name is there alongside his wife's. Or I scroll through my texts and there it is again.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I've never lost someone this close to me. I've never lost anyone suddenly. And 'lost' is a ridiculous word, isn't it? He's not been misplaced, mislaid, misdirected. 'Passed away', though I have used it frequently in the last two weeks, isn't much better. It doesn't convey the brutality or rawness of a sudden death. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A toddler is a fair distraction for grief. A toddler means you don't have much time to think. And for that I am grateful. There seem to be two modes - the engaged mode when I am socialising/chatting/taking Hector to a class; the mode that has briefly forgotten. And then the default, core mode which is honestly just one of sadness. Overwhelming, barrier smashing sadness.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's a peculiar state of affairs for two reasons. One, that we had to wait for an autopsy to establish that he'd had a heart attack, and thus are having to wait almost a month for the funeral. There is no real progress on the processing until that funeral has happened. There's no real sinking in that we won't ever see him again until we all gather and remember and celebrate and mourn. And drink, probably, given that everyone is Irish Catholic.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The other reason is that circa 8yrs ago we all thought he was about to die - he had a tumour in his pancreas, and everyone knows pancreatic cancer is unbeatable. He said his goodbyes, made a video for his boys, my work gave me a day off to have lunch with him. It felt like the end. And then they operated and it was benign. As if by some miracle. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And so it feels like we got almost a decade we thought we wouldn't get. But yet it also feels like we were cheated - that we thought he and we had won at this game of life, and then one day he hadn't. Though he did take early retirement, spend much more time with his family, get an absolutely hideous tattoo, buy and sell a few more cars, die his hair green for Christmas Day (nope, I don't know why either) and continue to wind my Mother up.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">That's the other thing. I've lost my ally. The only other person in the world who truly understood my Mum's level of crazy. Who understood why I can't often rise above it or ignore it. But who loved her like I love her. I've lost the person who I thought one day would help me go through my parents' things (morbid I know, but if you knew how much stuff she's got in storage, you'd be sending her a copy of Marie Kondo to go with the one I've sent her). </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">He was older than me, my Brother, so I often felt like an only child growing up,but as an adult, I've had my sibling there. We got drunk at Joe Allens and I fell out the cab, much to his horror. We stayed up drinking red wine at his house, relaying our separate childhood stories. He tied our marriage knot along with my sister-in-law (sounds sexual - it isn't, it's a humanist thing). I think he thought it was slightly bonkers but he went with it. He was a loving man, a brilliant father, and a great husband by all accounts.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My Dad always says all you need is health and happiness. Everything else is surplus. A bonus. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm not sure I have anything else to say right now. Other than the usual cliches. To cherish every day and everyone you love. To go after what you want full throttle without embarrassment or shame, because life is super short. To maybe have/take a phone with you at all times, even in the bathroom.... And to bear with me if you are due a thank you/Birthday card/email reply/coffee date - it'll come.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">With love and good intentions on this new moon xxx</span></span>TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-78484528327105546132016-10-14T08:43:00.000-07:002016-10-14T08:43:08.223-07:00Who am I, now I'm a Mother?<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span>I'm 36 years old and I'm
having an existential crisis. I doubt I'm alone. I fear this happens to
everyone at some point, but most definitely to Mothers. And Actors. <br />
<br />
I've been out of work two weeks and I am, as my agent amusingly
suggested, 'twitchy'. I had forgotten the neuroses of an actor. The lack
of control. The waiting for the phone to ring. It's struck me that I
find the admin of acting much like the admin of dating. I bloody hated
first dates. When other people would tell me how exciting they found it,
the 'will he, won't he like me/will I like him', the analysis of
conversation and written communication after the event, the waiting, I hated it. Did
I mention the waiting? And acting is much the same. Not the actual
'acting'. But everything else around it. It requires an ability to
appear interested and engaged, but with no hint of need. To keep abreast of
everything that is going on in the acting world so you can spot possible
opportunities but without actually stalking anyone. Tricky. Twitch.<br />
<br />
Now. So that's half of it. The other is being a Mum. Well, a parent, but I'm gonna go with Mum for now. <br />
<br />
It strikes me that most Mums who do go back to work head back after 6
months plus. So they hit the 'Who am I, now I am a Mother' question
pretty early on in the child's first year. I think somehow I've delayed
that existential question. Until now. Because if you go back to work
swiftly (15weeks) and it's different work, and it's all consuming work
(as theatre really is), then you don't really have time to ponder the
meaning of life. <br />
<br />
Cut to today. I've been out of work for two weeks (after nearly 11
months), so I am, bar the auditions and the odd pockets of time for
writing (his one a day nap or when his Dad takes him off for an
afternoon for me), a stay at home Mum. And I'm not gonna lie folks, it's
been hard. And I'm not even talking about the obvious stuff, like how
knackering it all is when it looks like you've achieved nothing. I'm
talking about the question of 'Who am I, now I am a Mum?'<br />
<br />
I believe we have character and personality traits that are probably
fairly embedded by 36yrs. But it's also true, I think, that we are what
we do. We are who we hang out with...... So on some days, I am a hopping
rabbit (I'm trying to be more energetic animals in an attempt to get
fitter), who speaks, and points out what EVERY single object is, what
colour it is, whether we've seen it before, a tired rabbit who has changed some
nappies and wiped up (let's be honest, occasionally eaten) my child's
regurgitated food, whilst breastfeeding and ordering the weekly food
shop online and put some washing on and wondered just how demented my
own Mother is when she keeps calling to tell me about this extra special
kitchen top surface she's had put on, which is so brilliant you can't put
anything hot on it (No. Me either. Sounds something like calico. Who
designs a kitchen top that can't have hot shit on it???!!!), whilst also
enquiring how long we can survive without me working, a zombie rabbit with high
blood pressure. If that's not an oxymoron.<br />
<br />
We had two nights out this weekend - dinner on our own, and a friend's
wedding on our own. We barely socialised and spent much of the evening
snogging in a corner. I felt a vestige of an earlier incarnation of me.
Of us. Our early dating (the good bit, when we'd already established we
liked each other). Our child-free days. I felt horny. Then we got home
and I felt guilty for enjoying those feelings. I felt excited that our son
was still awake and we could hang out with him. I felt disappointed that
after that, we were both too knackered to act upon our earlier
foreplay. This is parenthood. A fucking maelstrom of emotions. Often
conflicting.<br />
<br />
I rarely feel like the old me. I hang out with friends and we click
right back in, but I'm always only 75% in the conversation because I
have an eye on my child. Or on my phone if he isn't with me. I've also
turned into someone I used to hate. Someone who used to utterly baffle
me. The person who doesn't reply to emails or texts for days. Weeks.
Months even. I never used to understand that person. But now I do. I've
got them all. I know I need to contact them. I want to contact them. I
just need time. And headspace. It's the headspace that's the thing.
There's no room at the inn. It took me 6 months to send Thank you cards
for Hector's 1st Christmas. We're knocking on the door of 3 months
since his Birthday and I have yet to begin. To be fair, I haven't even
spent all the birthday money he got yet. Lucky him!<br />
<br />
I tell my husband I've become a version of me that I don't like. The
nagging one. I mean, I nagged before, but now, boy can I nag. Because
that chore I mentioned 3 weeks ago, and 2 weeks ago, and 1 week ago, is
taking up precious headspace that I can't afford. He's getting better. I
am doing more chores. Only fair. And necessary. Because a nagging wife
ain't hot. And a nagging wife doesn't want sex because she is too
irritated. And irritated is just a little too far away on the continuum
from angry, for good angry sex.<br />
<br />
And yet, I'm a good version of me overall, right? I'm looking after a
whole other person (two, if you count the husband). Thinking for them.
Organising for them. Loving them. And I'm working a bit: researching
what theatre and tv is coming up, aka stalking everyone. I've even made a
spreadsheet. That's how I roll. And I'm writing a web series with my
friend. And I'm trying to write jokes for a new set. But the mechanics
of joke construction and uncensored thought seem, on occasion, to be a
pipe dream I can only wave at on my two free afternoons when my husband
takes Hector to art class or to the park (he basically throws glitter
at glue and then eats it from what I can gather). I'm a less fit version
of me. I've managed 3 days of long walks and one online yoga class in
two weeks. There's a long way to go. I carried a child and the stomach
knows it. It displays it proudly as I resignedly hoik up my Asos
leggings that have become staple clothing. That and the two nursing bras
I am yet to replace. And yet I get to throw a ball with my child and
sometimes not realise that an hour has passed as we laugh at each other.
<br />
<br />
So do I want to be the old me? Well, yes, sometimes. Do I want to be the
new me? Sometimes. When I work out exactly who that is. If I work out
who that is. I'm told I do a good impression of 'scary wife with a
heart', and my friend referred to us both as middle aged last week, so
at least I know my casting finally, if nothing else. <br />
<br />
PS if I owe you a text, an email, a thank you card, a play date, a coffee.... I'm on it. By Christmas at least. </span></span></span>TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-26965347439497567222015-11-22T12:46:00.000-08:002015-11-22T12:51:24.617-08:00A working mum<pre><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">My Mother can often be heard telling people how I began my
career at the RSC aged 8, as a munchkin. Which is about as relevant as when she
tells them I have my gold medal in acting from LAMDA, still unaware that that
is somewhat less impressive than actually having been to <a href="http://www.lamda.org.uk/" target="_blank">LAMDA</a>, despite my
advising her of this on numerous occasions. My Father, in his speech at our
wedding, remarked that I earnt more as a Munchkin than I have ever earned since,
in the performing arts.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bs9xrQv8Ozk/VlIqgM1Aa-I/AAAAAAAAAI0/KWb1vkNoeA8/s1600/Gemm%2Bas%2Bmunchkin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bs9xrQv8Ozk/VlIqgM1Aa-I/AAAAAAAAAI0/KWb1vkNoeA8/s320/Gemm%2Bas%2Bmunchkin.jpg" width="258" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Tomorrow that changes. Tomorrow I start rehearsals for the
RSC for two shows for their Summer Season at <a href="http://www.rsc.org.uk/visit-us/swan/#" target="_blank">The Swan.</a> And it is brilliant but
bittersweet. Not just because it's taken circa 12yrs to get that call. But because I
am on maternity leave from my office job. Because we have a 15 week old little
boy called Hector. And he is the best thing I've ever done in my life, other
than meet and marry my <a href="http://www.piccolorium.net/" target="_blank">husband</a>.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So, having planned to continue sitting on my arse, watching
Sky Box Sets and eating cookies whilst I breastfeed, I will be up and out of
the house by 8.45am tomorrow, having got up at 6.45 to try and do two boob
feeds and express some milk.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">We've spent the weekend talking and thinking logistics. Our
families don't live anywhere near, and friends will help out on the odd day,
but they have jobs and partners and children of their own to look after. We've
got childcare to help look after him and bring him to me each lunchtime for a
feed and a cuddle and bring him back home (courtesy of the rather wonderful <a href="http://www.beaandco.com/" target="_blank">Bea & Co</a>). My ever supportive husband (courtesy of his extremely understanding boss) is going
to work from home. Then we have to work out our move to Stratford and whether
we rent out our London flat. I know - a no brainer. But possibly not when you
see how much stuff we have to sort out. It probably is time to throw away the
blow up sex dolls bought for <a href="https://edinburghfestival.list.co.uk/article/27910-gemma-goggin-get-laid-or-die-trying/" target="_blank">that Edinburgh show</a>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I've found myself holding Hector tighter in the last 48hrs
than ever before. Staring at his face and repeating Mama over and over at him
so he doesn't even contemplate anyone else holding that title, even if he
doesn't get to see me for most of the day. We were planning to move him out of
our bed, into the side cot but now I'm thinking I want him by me whenever we
have the opportunity. I can't even imagine how hard tech weeks and understudy
weeks with performances in the evening will be.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But I'm hoping it is worth it. In fact, I know it will be.
Once the shows are up and running I'll get most days with my baby, and to do
what I've always wanted to do in the evenings and the odd matinee. And that's a
pretty good life, right?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And more importantly, the more parents that do it, the
easier it will get. The RSC has a nursery. <a href="http://www.pipacampaign.com/" target="_blank">PIPA</a> has just launched. My friend
went off to Malaysia to film when her bubba was 6 weeks old, and was apparently
expressing milk in the forest. So if she can do it, so can I. There are
brilliant women and men pushing for this industry to accommodate working
parents, not least my agent and the RSC casting team, and for them I am thankful. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And I might start crying on the bus tomorrow morning on my
way to work. In fact, I'd bet money on it. And I might start crying again when
he arrives at lunchtime for some boob. And I might not get to socialise with
the cast at breaks cos I'll be in a room with a breast pump. And some cookies.
So if you see me crying, or indeed with my tit out, or both (because believe me, those two things are in no way mutually exclusive), feel free to come and say
hi, or give me a hug. Maybe not whilst I've got my tit out actually, but after.
After would be fine.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And in the unlikely event that you're in the production and reading this, know that the stain on my jumper is not an early, and let's face it, odd, character choice, but probably just regurgitated milk. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">To be continued.... </span></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-74747877342285295962015-11-10T07:23:00.002-08:002015-11-10T11:31:21.615-08:00Women Beware Women<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><br /></span></b></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Today I’ve read two posts about breastfeeding – a </span><a href="https://jemface.wordpress.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">blog</span></a><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> from
a woman who was contacted by FB messenger by the Manager (female) of a bar/café
she frequents (and got married in) to request that she ‘cover up’ when feeding
her baby as people had complained, and a post from a friend moaning that a
woman had been breastfeeding what looked to be a 4 year old, on the tube, with
her tit out. And it strikes me, that whilst women fail to support other women,
we have no hope. Not a chance.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It’s the small things – the little comments or events in
life that go unchallenged, that set Feminism back. Like the argument I had with
a female work colleague when she said if a women can’t accept a wolf-whistle
graciously, then there is something wrong with her. She is a woman of an
earlier generation, the generation that accepted sexism and the occasional pat
of the bum as the norm. A woman who is now aghast that some of her generation
woke up and decided to go after the men that had overstepped the line in years
gone by. I explained to her that a woman should be able to walk down the street
and not get wolf-whistled at, because if she isn’t able to do that, then women
aren’t free to roam. That this is why we live in a rape culture. Because it’s
somehow ok to comment upon women, in a way that doesn’t happen with men. We had
to end the conversation because she fundamentally felt that women were taking
things far too seriously.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But back to the breastfeeding – because for me, arguing for
a woman’s right to breastfeed (if she so chooses) in whatever place and way she
wants, is surely a core tenet of Feminism? Breastfeeding is often not just a
case of the baby emerging from the womb, with an innate knowledge of how to
feed, and how to find your nipple in the dark. They might need you to hold and
squeeze your boob so that they can latch. So please bear that in mind next time
you see a woman feeding. And know this – that any comment which is along the
lines of ‘could you cover up a bit’ or ‘why are you still feeding them at this
age’ or 'you shouldn't expect to be able to express if you're going back to the office' is unsupportive of breastfeeding and women in general. And commenting on someone using formula
is equally unhelpful. Either way, you aren’t standing alongside your fellow
woman, and it’s usually women making the comments.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Then there’s the issue of pay and work. </span><span id="goog_1154450620"></span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Yesterday was the day
when women effectively stopped earning for the year, compared to men.</span><span id="goog_1154450621"></span></a><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> I
mentioned this date last year in an office, and half the women seemed
embarrassed I had brought it up. None of them seemed particularly aggrieved,
which I found astonishing. I think some women are just scared, and I think they
are more so because if they know they might go away and have a baby, they don’t
want ‘to push it’. As if somehow the fact that they might take some time off to
have a child means they aren’t entitled to be rewarded properly for the work
they do. And then I genuinely think some women don’t want to think about it, because
they don’t want to become ‘too feminist’, they don’t want to get ‘too angry’, because
it’s ‘unladylike’. And it’s this lack of balls, for want of a better phrase,
that threatens our progress just as much, if not more, than the attitudes of
men.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The Government have announced that </span><span id="goog_1154450628"></span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">companies will have to
publish details on bonuses as well as salary, by gender</span><span id="goog_1154450629"></span></a><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">, and I can’t wait. As women,
we have to support the other women we work for, and those who work for us. If
women are in the minority in a workplace, then sadly, the tendency is to look
after number one (because you have to!), and sometimes at the detriment of the
other women. Because if you’ve already argued for a bonus for yourself, you
probably aren’t going to stick your neck out for another female member of the
team, lest you look biased or come across as too pushy. Despite the fact that
the scales are already weighing in firmly on the side of the men in team, and
they’ve probably been remunerated very nicely, thank you very much. And if you
haven’t argued for a better pay rise or bonus for yourself, and then one of
your female employees pipes up, where does that leave you? Embarrassed, I would
hope. Eager to change the world, I would hope.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It’s the times in my life when I haven’t stood up for other
women, or been as kind as I could have been, that I’m most embarrassed about.</span><a href="http://thegoggin.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/what-happened-to-sisterhood.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> I've written about the lack of Sisterhood before</span></a><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">. And I know
I’m part of the problem - my husband often notes how frequently I comment on
women that have ‘had some work done’ on TV. I don’t know really why I do, but I
do, and I know I should stop. Because once my son is old enough to understand,
I don’t want him growing up in an environment where he thinks it’s ok.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">There’s a drive for men to get more on board with Feminism,
though most of the men I know are pretty feminist to be fair. But it’s the women
that need to get on board. We need to stop accepting less that we are worth in
the work environment and ask for more. We need to stop doing more of the
household chores if both of us are working. We need to stop buying magazines
that denigrate other women. We need to smile at that woman breastfeeding on the
tube with her tit(s) out. But most of all, we need to support other women. To fight
for them. To stop commenting on their choices unless we have something positive
to say. Because I fear we are totally buggered if we don’t. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><img class="irc_mi" src="http://www.womenshealth.gov/breastfeeding/images/hands-free-breast-pump.jpg" height="279" style="margin-top: 57px;" width="418" /></span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike>TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-84388007613219270962014-02-11T08:12:00.000-08:002014-02-11T08:12:06.827-08:00February - A Sexual New Page.....<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">January is over. You can officially abandon the failed
resolutions. Or can you?</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Forget the diets (well, I say that, but I am attempting no
booze/processed foods for the next 2 weeks. I know. Total yawn), forget the
overpriced January gym memberships, and try to ignore the frankly appalling
weather. You’ve probably given up on the first two already.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The New Year has passed. It's mid Feb. Your resolutions
might have gone awry, but you can begin again! You remember that back to school
feeling – a new pencil case (just me?), a new skirt that you could hitch up
when you were out of sight of your parents, and a new notebook – blank and
clean for your innumerable and not so clean thoughts ;-) It strikes me that
February, unlike January, shouldn’t be about aesthetic improvements, but mental
and emotional ones. A chance to write a new page – a sexual new page. You
could:</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1)<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Adopt
the <a href="http://www.marieclaire.co.uk/blogs/542291/5-2-diet-recipes-what-can-you-eat-on-the-fasting-days.html">5-2
diet</a> of sex – you could have sex 5 days a week with 2 days off, or twice a
week with 5 days off, or if your sexual appetites are somewhat different, you
could swap each week. I’m guessing I know which one I’d pick....</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2)<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><a href="http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/jan/06/should-stop-drinking-alcohol-january">Dry
February</a>/March. Literally. Dry. No sex for Feb and March. Now, I’m not entirely sure
what the benefits of this would be. Maybe to build up anticipation/sexual
frustration/test your relationship to breaking point? That sort of jazz...? Or
you could view it as a ‘no penetration’ February. Which might be a good way to
explore more foreplay and alternative endings. Well, I say alternative. I don’t
mean no climax. Just maybe different types... Tantra? Multiple? Another female
orgasm post the male one? The choice is yours. Well, it might be his, in which
case he might go for the face/breasts every time, but a change is as good as a
rest, so they say. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3)<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>A
new position each time? You could make it your mission to get through the <a href="http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2013-03-06/man-woman/29739322_1_legs-position-yoga">Kama
Sutra</a> in February. And March. Or twice a day for the rest of Feb.... Now,
like they say on all good gym applications, consult your doctor if you’ve got
any conditions that might make the positions fatal. But it would certainly
cheer up the cold rainy nights eh? We usually have wine on a Saturday night,
but I’ve suggested we have sex marathons instead. I think he’d prefer the wine,
truth be told, but he’s having the Lotus. Like it or not.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4)<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Just
oral for a month? Not quite the Slim Fast diet, admittedly. But nutritious just
the same, <a href="http://valleywag.gawker.com/semen-like-food-replacement-lands-1-5-million-investme-1449371548">so
I’m told.</a></span> </div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5)<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Have
sex every day in February and March. It’s a tall order, I know. But if there’s
ever a month to do it, January is surely it. And <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2401055/Brittany-Gibbons-I-sex-day-year-Meet-insecure-mom-faced-fear.html">this
woman</a> had sex every day for a year and overcame her body insecurities along
with it, so a month isn’t so much to ask, is it? </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Whatever you do this month, be safe and don’t take yourself
too seriously – have a laugh, make up a silly tune, pull a funny face. Tell a bad
joke that you find hysterically funny. Sex should be fun. You don’t have to
work through all your best impressions and anecdote repertoire whilst engaging
in one sesh, but a little light-heartedness amongst all that passion can work a
treat. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Gem x</span></div>
TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-60017511580639301392014-02-02T09:10:00.001-08:002014-02-02T09:10:53.407-08:00What would my Matriarchy look like?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Towards the end of last year, I went to see Bridget
Christie’s wonderful one woman show ‘<a href="http://www.sohotheatre.com/whats-on/bridget-christie-a-bic-for-her">A Bic
for Her</a>’. It’s all about feminism. It is the funniest thing I have seen in
a long time, so go grab yourself a ticket if you haven’t already. Bridget says the definition of feminism, is,
basically, equality. Which raised a lot of questions for me – do we want
equality in all things? I for one am more than happy for a chap to give up his
seat on an overcrowded bus for me. Providing he hasn’t assumed I’m pregnant
#firstworldproblemsforthelargerlady. And if we do want equality, how do we get
it? And, more fundamentally, what does that equality look like? The sort of
questions you could spend a lifetime exploring. Much like the <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/1001-Wines-You-Must-Before/dp/1844037037">‘1001
wines you must try before you die’</a> book I saw in the off license yesterday.
So that’s the next 20 years sorted ;-)</span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So I started thinking (on the basis that we do live in a
Patriarchy), what would a Matriarchy look like? Or rather, what would my
Matriarchy look like? I found a brilliant article by Gloria Steinmen called ‘<a href="http://www.haverford.edu/psych/ddavis/p109g/steinem.menstruate.html">If
Men Could Menstruate</a>’, which the female readers (and maybe the male) will
enjoy J
But I also wrote my own list – it’s far less radical than some I found on
google. And I’m not entirely sure it’s a Matriarchy, rather just how I’d like
the world to be for a bit – so we could sit in it, live in it, see how it
feels, and then work out which bits work and which bits don’t. So here goes:</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span>A crèche in all workplaces</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span>Non gender specific sport at schools</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span>All toys and clothes to be non gender specific (I’m
talking primarily colours here, rather than not allowing for breasts and
genitalia). </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span>Naked men on Page 3. And on TV for that matter.
Think Daniel Craig coming out of the water in that Bond Movie. But all the
time. </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span>Men legally required to take the pill (and thus responsibility
for pregnancy) unless the couple have agreed they want a child. ie all single
men must take the pill. We keep the periods, they can handle a few chemicals.</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span>Men have taken on the mantle of organising all
social activities/maintaining friendships, and women just rock up.</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span>Generally accepted that men do all the cooking
and washing, and women do it occasionally as a token gesture.</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span>Teenage sexuality comprises mostly of boys going
down on girls, rather than girls scrambling to oblige blow job requests in
cupboards at parties.</span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-H3BrgRj3o24/Uu57zT0ANAI/AAAAAAAAAFs/o_ZWBfWZrUs/s1600/imagine-matriarchy-and-make-him-kneel.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-H3BrgRj3o24/Uu57zT0ANAI/AAAAAAAAAFs/o_ZWBfWZrUs/s1600/imagine-matriarchy-and-make-him-kneel.png" height="186" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span>Men cry as much as women. And that’s ok. In
fact, it is positively encouraged. As is men talking all about their feelings</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span>All writing/imagery about women should be to do
with health and strength, rather than weight. </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span>Air brushing is subject to regulation and legal
limits – not entirely sure how we’d police/mandate that – maybe 2% max off the
inner thigh, 5% on the boobs, 10% on the testicles.... that sort of thing. </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span>TV panel shows are full of funny, ballsy, witty
women, who take up the majority of air time, and then there’s just a token male
guest who gets the odd line (cf Bridget Christie, and in fact, all female comedians....!).</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span>The cultural perception of women who explore
their sexuality and sleep around is one of heroism and empowerment. Men who do
the same are viewed as slutty. </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span>Christian Louboutin has developed magic shoes,
at a 10<sup>th</sup> of the price, which make walking in heels as easy as
walking in flip flops. This has also coincided with fetishism of men with thin
feet, thus forcing a large percentage of the male population to walk in highly
uncomfortable shoes if they wish to get laid.</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 36pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">-<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span>Strip joints become properly unisex. I have no
issue with men going to watch naked women. I just think us women should have a
similar area in each of the clubs. But maybe just with naked men who give us
massages/blow-dries whilst reading aloud some erotic literature. </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So, those are my suggestions. I’m sure there are far more
worthy ones. I look forward to hearing yours ;-)</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Gem x</span></span></div>
TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-72290226379111719242014-01-14T07:33:00.002-08:002014-01-14T07:33:55.727-08:00How's January workin' out for ya?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I truly hate January. Not least because I am one of the
innumerable who, despite having since April of last year to complete my tax
return, prefer to leave it until New Year’s Day, just to cement how horrible
the first month of the year can be. But I hate it for all sorts of other
reasons – it’s effectively Winter without Christmas to look forward to. And
holidays seem all too far away. As does pay day. So why, when it’s got so little going for it already, do we choose to do a complete body/soul/mind/upper
thighs overhaul come January? </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Well, let’s be fair, it’s probably not really our decision.
Given that the entire of the media is saturated with diets, and exercise
regimes and juice cleanses, and C list celebrities who’ve let themselves go,
heading to the park in a crop top and a pair of pants, in the hope of that <a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1003184857" target="_blank">not so elusive exercise DVD deal</a><a href="http://./">.</a> We probably had no hand in the decision at all.
Except, mild rant coming on, there are no C list male celebrities out in their
speedos. There are no pictures of lean men on the front of magazines or
newspaper supplements. Only women. And consequently, I’d say the women I know
doing some sort of diet or dry January, out number the men I know by about
10-1. So, just a small request – next year, can we have <a href="http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/love-sex/cosmo-centerfolds/" target="_blank">loads of pictures of hot men</a>/flabby soapstars in all the press, and no women. Then we get to ogle
and read the diet sheets. Pretty please.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">But why January? One of my male friends asked why ‘us women’
don’t wait until March when it’s a bit sunnier/life is generally better. Cue
responses from other women in the room that they need at least 3 months to get
bikini ready, so they need to start before March. Now, I’m not really fussed
about a bikini body. I’ve been letting it all hang out for many a year. But I
did think it was a valid question – why put ourselves through the purgatory of a
diet/no booze in the toughest month of the year? Well, I think it’s to lump all
the shit stuff together: it’s quite likely your friends might also be doing <a href="http://www.graziadaily.co.uk/food/its-dry-january-what-to-drink-when-youre-not-drinking" target="_blank">no booze</a>, so there’s no one there to tempt you. No one has any money in January,
so you won’t have loads of social functions. And the weather is often miserable
– so you might as well stay home, drink the pureed carrot and have a lot of
sex. Probably not at the same time. Especially if you’re taking colon cleansers
whilst you’re at it. <a href="http://erotica-uk.com/category/blogs/gemma-goggin/" target="_blank">My blog for Erotica</a> will be up on line shortly which is
all about making January the sex month. I’ll post it once it goes live.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Despite all the above, I have embarked upon a healthy
January. Well, 6<sup>th</sup> Jan – 6<sup>th</sup> Feb cos we had friends for
lunch on the 5<sup>th</sup> and I’m no party-pooper. I’m attempting <a href="http://www.bodyism.com/" target="_blank">Clean and Lean</a>. It’s become a running joke with mon amour, as it sounds so athletic. It
basically means no processed food or sugar. And I actually feel pretty good.
Good in an energised and calm way. You know how when people on anti-depressants
say they don’t get any lows, but they don’t get any highs? Well, that’s how it
feels in terms of appetite/hormones.<span> </span>I
know, I’ll go to hell for likening health eating to anti-depressants. But there
are no rushes – a slight hit from the caffeine (one cup a day and then green
tea), but zero sugar hits. So we shall see how it goes. They say if you tell
people what you’re doing, then you’re more likely to stick to it.... Obviously
that doesn’t apply to all things. That would be weird. And would be
oversharing. And I’d never recommend that.... </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">And so, in conclusion, if you haven’t made a resolution,
then don’t bother. If you have, tell people about it, but don’t beat yourself
up if you fall by the wayside. And, if you’re anything like me, set yourself
goals rather than resolutions. There’s nothing like a deadline to get your finger
out of your bum <span>;-)</span></span></span></div>
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<![endif]--><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">PS Heat magazine are launching a petition to make Blue
Monday (20<sup>th</sup> Jan this year) a Bank Holiday. Whilst I am trying to
wean myself off Heat Magazine, this seems to be a highly noble cause. You can
read about it/sign up <a href="http://www.heatworld.com/heat-Makes-You-Happy/2014/01/Fancy-an-extra-day-off-Then-sign-heats-petition-for-the-most-depressing-day-of-the-year--22-January--to-become-a-bank-holiday/">here</a>.
</span>
</div>
TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-18881584506629073392013-12-17T05:46:00.000-08:002013-12-17T05:52:57.815-08:00The Family Christmas Party<br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="s3">There was a moment on Sunday, at the Family Christmas Party, when my brother turned to my fiancé </span><span class="s3">Mark, </span><span class="s3">and said “It’s not too late”.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="s3"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="s4" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="s3">Every year, my mother’s family get together – a request made by my late Nan, which the family have admirably honoured year in year out. In the olden days, it was at an aunt’s house – a packed, boozy, children running wild affair, and everyone had a good old catch up. As the year’s went on, and, Irish Catholic as they are, the numbers increased rapidly, we moved to the local Church Hall. </span><span class="s3">And thus, the games began – musical chairs, pass the parcel, and the obligatory sitting on Santa’s lap no matter what age you were. I once took a friend who was performing in a show in Birmingham. I think she appreciated a family gathering whilst being holed up in digs, but she did look slightly traumatised post Santa’s lap.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="s3"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="s3">It was all manageable until last year, when they decided </span><span class="s3">there would be an additional “Britain’s Got Talent” element to the Party. How bad can it have been, you wonder? Well, pretty bad. There were some highlights. My uncle got up and sang You’ll Never Walk Alone a capella and revealed a rather wonderful voice. My nephews got up with my brother and his wife and did a dance routine. Others played the guitar. It was clear some of the elder relatives had gone to a lot of effort. They had the wigs, the costume, the make up. Alas, they just hadn’t learnt the words or had any intention of singing them. And trust me, Islands in the Stream goes on an awfully long time when the dance routine is uncoordinated, and they are holding a piece of paper with the words in one hand, and still miming them incorrectly.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="s3"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="s4" style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="s3">I sound horrible don’t I</span><span class="s3">? Don’t get me wrong, it’s highly entertaining. For a while. And hats off to them for not giving a shit. </span><span class="s3">And they clearly love it. And I love them for it. And I guess that’s what Families and especially families at Christmas, are all about, right?</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="s3"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="s4" style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="s3">I felt my Mark was ready for the Christmas party. He was prepared – he’d met them all at my Brother’s 50</span><span class="s5" style="vertical-align: super;">th</span><span class="s3">, and he’d been pre-warned about the entertainment. I had forgotten to tell him there would be games. He tried to get out on the first round of Musical Chairs, but Mother kindly replaced a chair for him. Bless. Then there was some food , and then about a 20minute wait before the first act came on. I was expecting costumes. What I wasn’t expecting, was 3 of my aunts to emerge Blacked up to the music of Baby Love. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Mark’s jaw drop before. But then I did. Again, they all held mikes. Again, they all mimed. But they did say they’d taken my note from last year and not brought the words on with them. Thank heaven for small mercies.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="s3"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="s4" style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="s3" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We had to leave to get our train, so we didn’t get to see all the acts. My Aunt and Uncle has told us they were doing Ashleigh and Pudsey, with my Uncle as Pudsey. I asked my mother on the phone how the rest of the afternoon went – she said my Uncle was dressed up as a cat. Enough said.</span><br />
<span class="s3" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="s4" style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s3" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But this is life. This is reality. A big blurry mess of relatives, embarrassment, inappropriate comments, too much food and drink, laughing till you’re crying, and desperately trying to remember the names of all your second cousins. This is family. This is Christmas. And you know what, I hope that as you’re reading this, you’re thinking, well, mine ain’t gonna be as mental as that. And you’re probably right. And we have the whole Church Hall, so if you fancy coming next year, give me a shout – maybe I’ll start selling tickets ;-)</span></span></div>
<div class="s4" style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="s4" style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span class="s3" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Merry Christmas one and all xxx</span></div>
<div class="s4" style="margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></div>
TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-86160760473649360732013-12-10T09:53:00.003-08:002013-12-10T10:06:38.690-08:00What happened to Sisterhood?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I’m going to have to write this blog quite carefully, in
that, my issue is women attacking other women. And thus in talking about it, I
must err on the side of not attacking those who should know better. Namely,
other women.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Let’s start with the women who have come out against
#teamnigella. There’s one that really springs to mind, and I’m not going to give
her more publicity by naming her, but she appears to be making a living out of
attacking other women – for being fat, for not bringing up their children in
the way she thinks is correct, or indeed, for leaving a millionaire who was
probably abusing his wife emotionally and mentally as well as physically. It upsets
me and angers me that anyone would think this is a good way to earn a crust. It
especially angers me when it’s a woman. Because we need all the help and
support we can get. And we need it most from our fellow women.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I had to think back – have I been one of those women in my
time? And honestly, my answer is probably yes. When was that? When I was young.
When I didn’t know better. When I was insecure and defensive. As we all are at
some point right? And it manifests itself in different ways. We are critical of
other women’s appearance (to be fair, I still am on occasion. Though usually
when they are on the telly, which I think to some extent makes all people, male
and female, fair game), maybe because that makes us feel better? We monopolize
or manipulate friendships, or indeed isolate others, through fear and jealousy
and all those weird emotions that make friendships, in our youth, almost as
important as love affairs. We will do almost anything to be the chosen one by
the desired male. ‘Chicks before dicks’ is a phrase that I think only really
starts to take hold, in reality, once we’re at least mid twenties, if not
later. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So, when you grow up, when you’ve sorted your shit out a
little bit, when you’re a tad more secure and settled, then you should have the
capacity, the empathy, the foresight, to be a proper woman. And by a proper
woman, I mean a woman who has other womens’ backs. Who recognises that for all
our progress, we still live in a fairly patriarchal world, and we have to
fight. Fight for survival, fight for recognition, and fight for the greater
good. Because I fundamentally believe that ultimately, when we are properly
equal, it will be better all round.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Which brings me back round to the woman who shall not be
named. Who tweeted a couple of days ago ‘Sisterhood? Don’t speak to me of this
thing you call the sisterhood. Stand at any school gate and you will learn it
is entirely contrived’ and today that ‘If I was a man people would not be
offended by me’. You’re right Miss. I wouldn’t be so offended. Because sadly, I
still expect that of men sometimes. But not from women. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Sisterhood comes from being happy with your lot, and thus
being happy for everyone else that has theirs. So it takes work – on yourself,
and on your relationships with others. Which means that I look at a woman who
is constantly putting down other women, and I surmise that she isn’t very happy
or secure, and I wonder why that is. I think Sisterhood is inbuilt, in our DNA,
but that we’ve somehow forgotten about it. A woman I met many years ago said
that our modern conveniences have made us forget our support of each other. She
talked about the old ages when women would go the lake and fetch water and wash
clothes (I’m aware the men should have been doing that too J)
and they’d have a natter, they’d listen to each other. There was a daily
gathering – a support network like no other. But I fear we’ve got too fussed
about designer clothes, and house prices, and X Factor and all the daily crap
that surrounds us and takes us away from what is important. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">But that doesn’t mean our sisterhood is lost. It just means
we have to find new ways to reinvigorate it, within a modern world and to pass
that on to our kids. And we have to avoid the media that perpetuates women
attacking other women. And we have to make a concerted effort to be nicer and
kinder to each other. And, alas,
understanding of those women who aren’t quite there yet. </span></span></div>
TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-24996175500553908312013-11-24T11:34:00.000-08:002013-11-24T11:34:09.157-08:00It's a Man's World..... <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">There’s the old adage, that when a male comic takes to the
Stage, the audience sits back and relaxes, but when a female one appears,
there’s an element of ‘ok, show us what you’ve got’. That’s not the case with
all female comics by any means, and I hope that in time, it won’t be the case
for any, but it’s an uphill struggle. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">A female friend of mine recently said she
just thought men were funnier than women, and it made me want to cry and scream
at the same time. When probed, she said her female friends often had her in
stitches, but she just meant there were lots more male comics on the telly.
Now, I’ve <a href="http://thegoggin.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/quitting-day-job-for-comedy.html">written
before</a> on the life of a comic being generally more suited to men than
women, so I won’t harp on about it. But I fundamentally don’t think men are
funnier than women. I believe that the majority of my generation were still
brought up thinking that men like beauty in women, and women like humour in
men. A generalisation I know. And we’re not all like that. Some prize money in
men, and the ability to cook in women.... you get my gist. But I think we’re
somehow pre-disposed, and that alas includes many women, to just think men are
funnier. And we have to work hard to dispel that myth.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">But it got me thinking. It’s that element of trust, or
relaxation, that you sense when the audience are presented with a male comic
rather than a female one (I’m obviously not talking about the lauded ladies of
comedy, who have a steadfast following). And it strikes me that that element of
trust, or rather, that inequality of trust, based on gender, is omni present. I
fear I’m guilty in some respects. If we get a female bus driver in rush-hour, I
inwardly groan a little. Because, 9 times out of 10, the journey takes a tad longer.
Because the female bus driver is just a bit nicer about allowing more people on
the bus, and giving right of way to more cars. Whereas the guys just plough on
through. I know. As I’m writing this, I’m thinking Bugger, I’m totally not a
feminist. BUT I THINK I AM <span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">;-)</span>
I guess I’m just being honest about stereotypes, or just alas, giving weight to
some that should be dead and buried by now.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So, the trust thing. I think it’s huge in the workplace. I
see guys going in and asking their boss for more money, or for another member
of staff because their team is overworked. And often the men get what they ask
for. And the women don’t always get so lucky. So why is that? Is that because
women ask in a different way? In a ‘well, it would really help us if we could
have some extra support, but I’m sure I can manage without if there isn’t any
budget’ way? I’m guessing, obvs. But given that women tend to try and
accommodate more so than men, I think there’s probably an element of the way we
ask for things, that is predicated on not having the same sense of entitlement.
So, it could be the way we ask. Or maybe it’s back to the trust. Is it that
man’s world of where the guy goes in and asks his boss for something, and the
guy trusts the other guy, whereas the female team member has to prove it, has
to be on the floor, sunken by a heap of deadlines, before the boss will say ok?</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I know what you’re thinking. What about female bosses? And
I’ve had a few. From my experience, the men still often get what they ask for
from a female boss, more than the women do. Because, women know women. We know
each other wiles. There’s many a married woman dying to offer you her pearl of
wisdom which, for each woman is the same: get him to think it was his idea.
Women have to be wily. They have to connive. They have to flirt sometimes. They
go via the back door. Not in that way you, you dirty mind, you <span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span>
So if a woman is trying to get something out of a female boss, she might employ
any number of tactics, but she might already be busted because her boss knows
them all. But when the boss is male, that’s when the female arsenal comes out
to play. Because it has to. Because that is the only way to milk the cow.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I don ‘t agree with it. It frustrates me hugely. Many years
ago my female boss told me I was clashing with a male colleague because I was
forgetting he was a man. That if he came and presented me with a problem and
asked for my help, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t meant to
offer him a solution, even though one was blindingly obvious, because he was a
guy and he had to work it out himself. Apparently I was to guide him to finding
a solution without him realising. And I was like WTF? I don’ t have time for
that. Do you have time for that? It worked for her, but I’m not convinced I
agree, or that that’s the way all female bosses manage their male staff. If
they do, it’s highly depressing. Maybe successful, but still, highly
depressing.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So, where do we go from here? Well, a very funny lady called
Deborah Frances-White, runs a workshop called ‘<a href="http://www.the-spontaneity-shop.com/corporate/what/charisma_for_women.html">How
to be Charismatic in a Man’s world</a>’ – teaching women how to use their
feminine charms to get what they want, and how to do so in an empowered way .
So, we have that option – to continue to use the full spectrum of female wiles
and ways to get the right answer or action. Or we become a little more staunch
about it. We go in a little more ballsy. We don’t ask for things but follow it
up with a ‘I can manage’. We be more male about it. Maybe we be a little more
selfish. Though alas we’ll always hit that other problem of a forthright male
being considered strong and decisive, and the forthright female being thought
of as the ball-breaker. But maybe we have to go through that to come out on the
other side in a few generations time, smelling of roses. Because as we all
know, all women smell of roses... of sugar, and spice and all things nice.
Don’t we?? </span></div>
TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-80562347389371047082013-11-19T04:40:00.000-08:002013-11-19T04:40:51.837-08:00Nicknames and Multi-tasking<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I’ve been called many different things<span> </span>in my lifetime. It’s par for the course with
a surname like Goggin. The amount of post that used to come through at work
addressed to Miss Doggin became embarrassing (ah the joy when I discovered the
NATO phonetic alphabet could be used by mere mortals in real life, not just on
The Bill). Or Miss Goggins. “Like Postman Pat without the s” I used to say.
Which, with hindsight, sounded like I was just a little too desperate for them
to get it right. And let’s be fair, if they weren’t of a certain age, they’d
just think I was slightly mental.<span> </span>I’m
not sure why everyone always likes whacking on an ‘s’ at the end, but there we
go. Goggins has become a nickname of sorts. And there were and still are, many
others: </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Jim Jam. Goglet – sounds a little too like a piglet
admittedly, but I take it as a term of endearment. Goggles – a gift from
friends when my boyfriend at the time, suddenly and mysteriously lost all power
of aim, and got me in the eye, rather than on my boobs. Ah those heady days of
young love and misplaced semen.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I could go on...</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">But I thought I’d heard them all. Until I got together with
my chap. Who is called Mark, but whom I call Bob. And he calls me Gog. But we
don’t just have one. We have lots. In Paris, we spotted a stop called Bobigny.
So when in France, he becomes Bobigny and I, Goginy. In Italy, we came
Bobbalino and Goggalino. We’ve recently become Goggabubba and Bobbabubba, and I’m
sure there will be more to come.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I find nicknames interesting, because they grow out of
nothing almost, and yet, they become part of you, and they represent different
parts of you. BUT, and it is a big but, they don’t cross all spheres. I am
unlikely to call him Bobbalino in a moment of anger, or at the moment of
climax. I think we would both burst out laughing. It’s as if nicknames form
part of a personal little dialogue that takes place 90% of the time, but
doesn’t quite cross the border into the highly emotional states. So why is
that? Is that because we step out of ourselves when we’re highly emotive so the
nickname feels too personal, too real, or because we step into ourselves so
much that at that subconscious moment of choice, that the nickname feels too
puerile?</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">And why is that some nicknames can transcend more barriers
that others? I’ve called him Bob when I’ve been annoyed, but never in the
throes of passion. I think there’s a wider discussion which I hope to explore
more in the coming months, to do with all those different facets of ourselves
that we utilise or drop at a moment’s notice. How we sweep from role to another
without a thought, and if we as women, do that more easily than men? And if we
do, how are men affected by that? By the woman who tells them to clean the
dishes one moment, and emerges from the bedroom in a negligee five minutes
later. Because to me, to us (if I may be so bold as to group all women
together!), it’s seamless, natural, part of who we are – multi-tasking
goddesses, no?? <span>J</span>
And for men, I just don’t think it’s the same, and I sometimes think you can
see the wash of confusion as the man tries to interpret the shift in gears that
has just taken place before his very own eyes. Sexist as ever, I know. But, to
be continued......</span></span></div>
TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-51149826303925730942013-10-15T04:37:00.002-07:002013-10-15T04:43:00.476-07:00Marriage and Babies<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">It’s a funny old world. You spend your heady 20’s leering
from one unsuitable man to the other, with no care for marriage or children,
and then you meet the one who lights all your fires, and you gradually become
overwhelmed by the desire to become his wife and bear his child.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I know that isn’t the case for everyone – some never want to
get married or have kids, and some have been wanting those things since the
year dot. But for those of us who have steadfastly ignored such notions for the
first 30 odd years of our lives, the shift in attitude is both odd and
terrifying. And that’s just my side. Imagine being on the receiving end!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I’ve consulted with my female friends on this, and whilst a
few weren’t really all that fussed about marriage (I reckon there’s something
in the disinterest that provokes the proposal….), the majority of women I spoke
to, took the lead. Some issued ultimatums, some deadlines, some opted for a
lengthy period of hints and then more forceful persuasion. And interestingly,
in a lot of these cases, I genuinely had no idea – I thought the guy had just
one day decided the time was right and made his move, not that he had been
given a gentle nudge or an almighty prod.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So, why is it that we are so keen to get married, and they
are a little sheepish about it all? Is it the thought of only having sex with
one person? The weight of responsibility? I think perhaps for all our equality,
we women underestimate the male need to be able to provide, to be on a more
secure financial footing. Is it the colliding of worlds that the wedding day
brings? Friends and family, all together under one roof? Is it the fear of the
actual day - of standing up in front of everyone? For me, as a performer,
that’s the least of my worries. I’m more concerned with how I’d afford a
Vivienne Westwood dress and keep my boobs in it, and avoid my mother trying to
cover them with a veil, or her hands (it’s been done before. I have the
pictures to prove it).</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">But for those who aren’t used to poking their head above
the parapet, the wedding day can be a terrifying experience. And then there’s
the expense. The average wedding nowadays costs 20K plus. Which means that
unless your parents have a secret wedding fund or you’ve been saving for an
awfully long time, you’re left choosing between a new bathroom and kitchen, or
a fuck off ceremony and party for your nearest and dearest. Or maybe putting it
in a savings fund for a boob lift post the babies....</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I’m selling it aren’t I? But, as a believer in marriage, I
think the benefits outweigh the negatives. I can’t speak for the men, but all
the women I know who are married, have a certain something about them. In most
cases it’s an aura of calm that they didn’t possess to that extent before. I
guess there’s something about feeling settled which marriage brings. And I know
loads of people will tell me you have that without marriage, but I think if you
want marriage, you associate it with a stability and commitment that doesn’t
come from living together. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The other thing that strikes me about all of this, is that
we don’t really talk about it. I mean yes, there are books about it, magazine
articles and the like. But women don’t tend to talk to other women about it.
All the female friends that I spoke to, have spoken to me post getting married.
They didn’t come and chat when they were desperate to get engaged and the ring
wasn’t forthcoming. Why is that? Why is there such a stigma? Why are we afraid
to say what we want, and talk about the fact that our partners don’t necessarily
want it, or don’t want it at the same time? I guess it’s embarrassment. For all
our modern equality, I think (and I’m open to correction) that women want the
guy to want to marry us, to take ownership in that way, to make us their wife. Which
then makes it even worse, because then not only do you want to get married, but
you want the guy to want to marry you, and if they aren’t keen, that’s sort of
a double whammy of doom.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">My mother said to me that I should never bring up marriage –
“it will scare a man off”. She may yet be right. Though she did date my Dad for
11 years before they got hitched, so I’m not sure she’s the best person to
follow in terms of timing. But I think if you love someone, you probably want
the same things. He just doesn’t know it yet :-) I’m kidding. But you get my drift. If it’s meant to
be, it’ll be. We’ve had the chats, my partner and I. He’s not a marriage
enthusiast, I am. I’m hoping I’ll win on that one.... And we both want a child
in the next few years. And I think that sort of dialogue is important. It’s not
the stuff we should avoid talking about, because they are some of the most
crucial decisions you’ll ever make. Why shove them under the carpet and hope
for the best?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I think we should be more open about it all, because that’s
the only way the supposed stigma will be decimated. Women are the socialisers
in relationships most of the time, and we’re also the planners. So why wouldn’t
we be planning emotional stuff as well as the more mundane items like the
weekly Tesco food shop? Men tend to be a little more laidback – they need
reminders to book hair appointments, send birthday cards, have a shower. That
sort of thing. And they’re not all like that, but I’d hazard that the vast
majority are. Every now and then they need a kick up the arse. Sexist I know,
but there, I’ve said it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Now, in the spirit of honesty, I should say I began this blog
post a few months ago, and I finished tinkering with it at the end of June. And
that’s when I should have posted it – I should have practised what I preach and
posted before my man proposed. Which he did, a few weeks ago whilst we were on
holiday. And I’m over the moon. But I’m annoyed with myself for not posting
this earlier. Because that’s what it is all about isn’t it? About putting
yourself out there and on the line when it is most risky, most difficult. Not
when it’s easy. Not now when I’m basking in the betrothed glow (there’s no such
thing, but you know what I mean). But better late than never I reckon. And I’ll
try to do better.... x</span></div>
TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-2340833224638270512012-10-30T05:09:00.002-07:002012-10-30T05:52:26.845-07:00Onesies and Daytime Clubbing<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'll confess. I've never been clubbing in the daytime. I've also never been to a music festival. My instinct is that if you do one, you probably do the other. But I'm old skool. When I used to go clubbing, and I use the term loosely, given that the majority of my 'clubbing' nights took place either in The Swan in Stockwell or The Arts Bar on Frith Street (both rather cheesy pulling joints with DJ's who would happily indulge my requests for Jackson Five on a regular basis and wouldn't dream of playing any house music, let alone all those other types of music that passed me by. Jungle?), it would be at nightime. After dark. There were probably a couple of occasions when it was light as I headed home, and boy did I think I was a crazy kid. Not.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now, I was aware of daytime clubbing. People dealing with the hangover from Saturday night by getting back on it on Sunday day. I sort of respected it. But now I find myself baffled by it. Probably becuase I'm getting old. It's not the daytime misadventure itself that baffles me, it's the dressing up. Every Sunday as my man and I head on the bus to our favourite coffee shop, we pass The Grand in Clapham, and a large queue outside of mid 20 somethings, dressed primarily in leopard print onesies. What is going on??!! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've never quite got the fancy dress thing. I think because I was always acting, I got to dress up and play different people all the time, so why would I want to do that in my own social time? But then I have friends who are actors who bloody love fancy dress. Some who dress up in Edwardian gear, hire an old car for the day, and have Afternoon Tea as Edwardians. Again. Baffled. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I fear my dislike of Fancy Dress is my inability to take the piss out of myself. But then, I'm not sure that is true, because I end up doing that during stand-up on a regular basis. But maybe it's an inability take the piss out of myself aesthetically..... Which brings us to the inevitable dilemma - do you do funny fancy dress, or sexy fancy dress? Now, my answer is always sexy, never funny. Be funny with your mind, your speech, not with your clothing. And maybe that's my problem with it all. There's a need, a desire to still look good, in whatever manifestation that takes. Maybe that's a bit messed up. Or maybe it's perfectly normal. Who knows.... And bizarrely it's paired with a willingness to look as ridiculous as possible on stage if it gets a bigger laugh. Cue me aged 26 and a size 18 wearing a leotard and a tutu, pretending to be a fairy forest creature, moving in slow motion, bizarrely in a production of The Merry Wives of Windsor. Not pretty. But highly entertaining slash disturbing. So I'm told.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There's something childlike about fancy dress. I'm not talking role play/dressing up in the bedroom - got no issue with that :-) But outside of that arena, fancy dress is still about playing. About an alteration of self. And, for my money, an infantalisation of self. And a onesie is the height of that. Which is where I get confused with the fancy dress daylight hours clubbing, becuase why, when you are out with your mates, probably on the pull, do you want to play dress up? If I was single right now, there is literally no way I would be joining in, and I can't imagine chatting to a guy dressed as a bear. Or with a fake pumpkin belly (Clap Jct last Sunday). Or in full Lederhosen. Call me boring, but I'd prefer a prospective male in a nice cable knit and some well fitting trousers. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now, obviously the clubbing isn't all about pulling. Some folks might be just out with their mates for a laugh and a dance. But since when was either of those activities enchanced by a onesie? Will Strictly Come Dancing forego the tanning booths, and just dress the contestants in orange fur? I think not.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I realise this is a bit of a Grumpy Old woman post. I would genuinely like to hear from people who love fancy dress, primarily onesies, and especially for a club on a Sunday afternoon. I'd like to get inside their heads and find out what it's all about. I wonder if I'm assuming it's going on up and down the country, and it's really only in Clapham Junction. I wonder if it's escapism from economic problems. I wonder if it's peer pressure. I wonder if it's hungover laziness.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But to me, wearing a onesie in public, socially, is just faux cool. People trying to demonstrate how chilled and sorted and down to earth they are, by showing how willing they are to look silly. I bet some of them are dying inside. As far as I'm concerned, the only times to wear a onesie, are:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- when you're a baby, and even then, you can claim it wasn't of your own volition when you get old enough to reflect back.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- at home, when you are subtly trying to convey to your partner that you have zero desire to get jiggy with them. Ever again.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- at home, when your partner has finally revealed both an animal and velcro/zip fetish, and you are trying to indulge them before you decide you want someone sane and dump them.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now, where did I put my corset?</span>TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-54334654303781853112012-10-26T01:01:00.000-07:002012-10-26T01:01:05.364-07:00Age of Consent and Abuse of Power/Trust
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’ve found myself trying to write this week and failing.
Primarily because what I want to write about is Jimmy Savile, but it feels like
the world and his wife are blogging about it. And then I figured, hey ho, there’s
just no avoiding it.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For me, there are two issues: Sex with underage girls and
boys, and abuse of power/trust.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Savile’s alleged crimes aside (the BBC have just used the
phrase ‘alleged’ – I assume it is legally correct, though it seems somewhat
redundant now given the amount of people who have come forward), there has
never been a greater need for a review of the law, has there? How can we put
into the same bracket, for example, a 17yr old boy who sleeps with his 14yr old
girlfriend, and a 40 something man who has sex with an 8yr old... And is the
Age of Consent the best way to put it? </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_consent"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Wikipedia, the fountain of
all knowledge, defines Consent as</span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">:</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Consent
refers to the provision of approval or agreement, particularly and especially
after thoughtful consideration.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don’t know about you, but quite a few of my sexual encounters
in my earlier days, definitely didn’t involve much thoughtful consideration,
and I’m not even sure there was always agreement from the guy involved, more resignation
<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Seriously though, a brief Google reveals that the Age of
Consent varies from Puberty to 21+, or, more terrifyingly, for a lapsed
Catholic such as myself, ‘only when married’. And in England, our legal age was
12 in 1275, which dropped down to 10 in the latter part of the 16<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup>
Century, and was only raised to 13 in 1875 because Parliament was concerned
that girls were being sold into brothels. Well, that’s a reason to raise the
age limit isn’t it. They then finally raised it to 16 in 1885, due to moral
panic...... </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What does this tell us, apart from the fact that the Age of
Consent didn’t even counter for Homosexuality for years? The Age of Consent is variable
– morally and culturally. Other countries allow for the maturity of the persons
involved, they treat cases very differently if the age gap is small. In the UK,
that 17yr old boy who sleeps with his 14yr old girlfriend, will go on the Sex
Offenders Register – legally treated the same as the 40yr old man who rapes the
8yr old girl. It is inconceivable that in a society such as ours, that
considers ourselves so forward thinking, that we are so, so backward in this
respect.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now, the tricky thing when watching the Savile expose, is
women talking about being abused when they were 14 or 15. When I was at school,
there were plenty of girls who were sexually active, and mature for their age.
Had they found themselves at the BBC, or similar, hanging out with a boy band
or a popular DJ, who suggested something sexual, I’d be willing to bet money
that some of them would have gone there. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Which leads us to the Abuse of Power, or as it legally
known, the </span><a href="http://www.nspcc.org.uk/inform/policyandpublicaffairs/policysummaries/abuseoftrust_wdf61907.pdf"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Abuse
of Trust</span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. When the older person is in a position of trust or
responsibility, be that a teacher, a celebrity, a policeman, a priest... then
they have a responsibility to act appropriately. Don’t they? But are our
expectations too high? There are abuses of power in all walks of life – from the
small everyday incidences such as the Nazi bus driver who relishes his ability
to drive on past the poor commuter who has just pegged it to the bus stop a
second too late, to the larger abuses of power such as the Editors who approved
phone hacking, or the MP’s who flouted all moral rules, if not legal ones, when
putting<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in their expenses. I realise
those examples aren’t as direct as physical and emotional contact, but they
show that it is embedded, if not, inherent.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It takes a grounded, self-aware, and empathetic individual
to be totally unswayed by power or celebrity. It starts young, from the bully
in the playground who gets to deal with their own insecurities by picking on
others, to the workplace where the boss gets to make lascivious comments or cop
a feel, and I’m not just talking male bosses here.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So isn’t it about time, we take a step back and look at
ourselves, and the society that we’ve created? Rape has been high on the agenda
over the past month or so, and a commentator this week, post Jimmy Savile
revelations, queried whether we could still deny we live in a rape culture. I
don’t think we can. I think the equally pressing point, is that we live in a
Celebrity Culture. We put people on pedestals, regardless of their failings, or
more pertinently, their lack of talent. And if we do that, if we continue to
buy into some sort of fairytale stereotypes, then surely we are as much to
blame? Or are we? Maybe we are just another victim – we are charmed by the very
people who are powerful and famous, even though we put them up there. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Which leaves me with a couple of questions. How do we
acknowledge what<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think is an inherent
need to classify by differentiation, which in turn creates a need for status,
and at the same time be better human beings? I think it would require an entire
cultural and moral shift – that status becomes about respect, about doing good
things (ah wait a minute, that’s what Savile did on the surface, didn’t he?),
not about fame, or money, or power. And how do we put proper, just, systems in
place, that hold people to account, but that allow for the differentiations of
crime, rather than just lumping them all in one a la the Sex Offenders Register?
I fear that it isn’t all possible. People are fallible. Laws are fallible. And Society
as a whole is fallible.</span></div>
TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-6144261001076684292012-10-09T06:19:00.003-07:002012-10-09T06:20:41.779-07:00Woman. Know Thyself. Own Thyself.<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Over the course of this year, I’ve realised there are a few
things I didn’t know, or didn’t think about, that I really should have done.
Things about me – the woman. Womanly things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A few visits to a Nutritionist/Naturopath, a brilliantly funny and
little older lady who works as a Gynaecologist (more of her later), and some
chats to friends, revealed them all: </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><a href="http://www.fertilityfactor.com/infertility_egg_quality.html"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You have a
finite number of eggs</span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><a href="http://www.fertilityfactor.com/older-eggs.html"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">By default, that means
your eggs are as old as you are</span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> – and unlike a fine wine, their quality
reduces rapidly with age...</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><a href="http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_long_does_sperm_live_when_it's_inside_the_body"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sperm
can live for seven days if they manage to reach the cervical tissue</span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. Gives
Purgatory a whole new meaning... <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be
fair, I’m sure we must have been taught this at school and I’ve just forgotten.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4. </span><a href="http://www.diabetesnet.com/about-diabetes/people-diabetes/women-diabetes"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hormones
affect your sugar levels and vice versa</span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><a href="http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Natural-family-planning/Pages/Introduction.aspx"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You
can actually work out your own cycle</span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. WHO KNEW? NO ONE TAUGHT ME THAT AT
SCHOOL.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now, I remember bits from biology class. Such as when my
friend and I were talking at the back of the class, and the teacher asked me a
question. My mate prompted the answer “Compound Eyes” (we vaguely knew the
class was about locusts), and I went with it. Cue detention and a move to the
front of the class. And I remember the Personal Development class where the nurse
put a condom on a banana, and the more forward girls (I clarify, the girls who
made out they were forward and later admitted they hadn’t actually lost their
virginity until they were 18, rather than aged 14 on a golf course in the bunker as they suggested at the time)
took the free condoms.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don’t remember being told about how a woman’s body
changed. How you could work out when you were ovulating. That I only had a
certain number of eggs to last me my whole lifetime. That my eggs would age
with me. That there are other alternatives to the pill – other alternatives to
taking synthetic hormones for most of your life. Being taught how to exercise
my pelvic floor – why aren’t we taught that at school? Surely way more
important than being able to hit a hockey ball?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why isn’t this the stuff we learn on the curriculum? Well,
probably because the curriculum has to cater to all, and boys probably don’t
want to learn that stuff (though they clearly should), and perhaps even girls
aren’t really all that interested at that age. The feminist in me might suggest
that it’s also because the curriculum is possibly (I’m guessing, I have no
idea) designated by committees and at a higher level, government/civil service,
which are probably male dominated.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But, I think the other problem is that we tend to be, as we
would, fairly Western in this country. Alternative options, the slightly left
field, more ‘hippy’ options, aren’t to be found in the mainstream. Now, don’t
get me wrong. Synthetic hormone pill popping is better than unwanted teenage pregnancies
for sure. Going down alternative routes takes practice, care and attention. But
I recall going on the pill as a teenager because a)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought it would help with my spots, and b)
It seemed like the cool thing to do, despite the fact that I had no intention
of having sex with anyone ( I was a late starter. I know. Shocking). And I’m
not sure those are good enough reasons.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We live in an age where women (and men, let’s not forget
them..) like being able to control or stop their periods for years, and then
often expect everything will be fine when they completely change tack once they’re
ready to start trying for a baby. And having had friends who have tried and
failed, and those who have tried and had success, I know it can be a long old
road. I’m not saying we shouldn’t have all those options available to us. And
certainly a pill that is 98% effective means you don’t really have to think
about it. Which is handy when you have a million other things going on. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I wonder what the fall out is. Hormones are sensitive
things. I know – I tried out a pill earlier in the year for a couple of months
(I’m not a big lover of condoms – who is?) and it made me MENTAL. I actually
didn’t feel in control of myself at all, and for the week before my period came
I was an emotional wreck. Now, there are plenty of women who have been on pills
happily for years, with no adverse effects, so my experience is but one. Pills
have never suited me – they’ve always made me slightly crazy... I remember
being on Microgynon at University and being horny as hell the week before a period.
I think my boyfriend at the time thought I was either going insane or a sex
addict. Or that he was irresistible. Looking back, none were true. But I would
be climbing the walls. And a spell on Dianette a few years ago (often
prescribed for PCOS) didn’t suit me much better. The </span><a href="http://julia-barnes.co.uk/"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">nutritionist/naturopath I see</span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> (a smart
woman – treats lots of conditions but good for PCOS and helping women who want
to improve fertility), <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>commented that
when she once tried a pill in her early years, it made her so objectionable that no man
wanted to come near her – so it worked perfectly as a contraceptive even at a
distance. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Anyhow, I’ll stop with my pill rant. I guess my point is,
that we aren’t really taught enough about our own bodies. At school, in the press,
by doctors... And information from mums or female relatives relies on their experiences. I think it should be shouted from the rooftops. If we want to be free women,
then to me, that means knowledge. Information. Free and informed choices. And
it also involves ownership. Taking real responsibility for your body, and
respecting it. Respecting how it works, how it changes, how it compensates. So when the time comes when you want to think about having sex,
not having children, and then having children, you already know what the deal
is, and you’ve already properly thought about your options.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Gynaecologist I mentioned is </span><a href="http://thewelltimedperiod.blogspot.co.uk/2007/05/honey-cap.html"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Dr
Shirley Bond</span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. She does honey coated caps. So if you want to go down the
natural contraception route, she’s worth a look. I’ll be honest, the cap is
reasonably large. It’s not like you, or your man, won’t feel it. It’s also
pink. His face when I got it out, was quite a picture. I also got chronic
thrush after we used it the first time, though I’m not entirely convinced that
was related. But you can use it in tandem with condoms, or on its own. And you get
to store it in a pot of honey, which is highly entertaining. Not as
entertaining as trying to put it in when your fingers are covered in honey, or as
entertaining as when a residing house guest spots it.... Toast anyone?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Gem x</span></div>
TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-26093825775462627682012-09-28T06:00:00.000-07:002012-09-28T14:50:34.386-07:00What's with the lack of penetration?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://burninggift.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">A dear friend of mine</a> has recently posted a couple of blogs - they are intelligent, feisty and well thoughts out - worth a read if you have a mo. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They got me thinking back to a joke I used in my show Get Laid or Die Trying, which went along the lines of "what I really can't stand are those women who take guys home and then don't have sex with them. They're giving the rest of us a really bad name."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It was a joke admittedly, but it's a point I've argued time and time again. How is penetration more intimate than oral sex? Why get into bed with someone and do everything but penetration? Obviously, not all sex involves penetration, and there are times when it's not feasible - periods, lack of condoms, you haven't had a shower. I'm kidding. Or just when you want some variety.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But what I'm talking about it, is going home with someone and then witholding the penetration, or even in some cases, the removal of pants. If you speak to those who do it, they will say it's about waiting, or that they only do "that" once they're serious. Some don't offer any explanation. I once took a man home, more than once, who my friends and I named Strokey. He liked to stroke, he'd bring me to orgasm, but he wouldn't take off his pants or let me touch down there. Baffling. We even made up a song:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">'Strokey, Strokey... Didn't want no Pokey, Pokey". I won't subject you to the verses...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've had plenty of male friends of mine talk about getting a woman home, whose behaviour up until the point when they were on the sofa back at hers, had lead them to think they were in for a long night of supreme shagging. Only for them to discover said woman would steadfastly refuse to take off her pants, though she would give them a handjob or a blowjob....</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Call me old fashioned, but isn't it all rather high school? And conversely, isn't it rather anti-feminist? Why do the boys get all the fun, whilst the women don't get to get off? In secondary school the boys were getting blowjobs and the girls the odd finger, but primarily, the sexual activity was centred around the males. Shouldn't we have progressed by the time we hit adulthood?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I genuinely don't understand the point in taking someone into bed and then not going the whole hog out of a sense of preserving chastity, or for religious beliefs - I really don't see how those hold up if you're going to do everything bar penetration. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I guess I'm a bit all or nothing. I also think I would have probably lacked the willpower to keep my underwear on, even if I had set out intending to do so.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But at a more serious level, I think there's also an element of women being a little more transparent and up front about their intentions. Of course, we've all had nights when we might have changed our mind on the route home, or even when we've got home. I'm not suggesting that a woman has an obligation to have sex with a guy at any stage of the courtship process - be it 15mins in, or 15 weeks in.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What I am suggesting, is that as women, we have a responsibility to ourselves to treat others as we wish to be treated. To be adult - with the ownership that that brings. Say if you like someone, say if you don't, say if you just want sex, say if you want something more. It's terrifying, and you will get knocked back some of the time, but there is something liberating in being transparent about it all. Don't spend all evening flirting with someone you've got no real interest in - it's a waste of their time and yours, and it suggests that you're really just using that situation for your own issues.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Similarly, if you like someone and you want to have sex with them, then do it. Don't embark on some mission to get them to earn the right to penetrate you, whilst letting them go down on you. It's a mixed message and it doesn't really ring true. Pun intended. If you want to hold out, hold out fully, and for the right reasons and explain why, should the conversation arise. I could be wrong, but I think they'll respect that more.</span>TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-71909846919452153172012-09-25T03:29:00.001-07:002012-09-25T03:29:43.692-07:00The age old age-gap....<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My boyfriend is 13 years older than me. Apart from the odd music or film reference that goes over my head, the age gap is utterly inconsequential. And I think I was always going to end up with someone older: Aged 8, I played Marta in The Sound of Music. All the other girls fancied Frederick. I fancied Captain Von Trapp. Aged 10 I played Annie, and yes, you guessed it, I fancied Daddy Warbucks. I still remember his name - Colin Marsh. How many nights I spent thinking Colin and I would get married.....</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had a thing for Dr Finlay on TV, and for Martin Shaw, not in re-runs from the 70's, but as The Chief - 1990's cop drama where Mr Shaw was probably late 40's/early 50's, sporting some salt 'n' pepper grey. Then there was Harold Pinter aged 70 (admittedly I wouldn't have wanted to get naked with him, but boy was he charismatic on stage), Ciaran Hinds (on the hit list since an early re-make of Jane Eyre with Samantha Morton), Clooney obviously, and Alan Rickman, in whose presence I became a quivering wreck. I could go on!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you had shown me any of those men in their 20's/30's, I probably wouldn't have looked twice. Now, you might say it's a father complex, a la Freud, and you might be right. I'm not really sure how you prove or disprove that.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now, the question I have is, is this inbuilt? Was I always going to fancy older men? Is it a father complex, or more pertintently, is it social conditioning to some degree? Obviously all women don't end up with men that are older. Or certainly not in their first marriage...... And thus it begins. Because men don't necessarily age better than women. We just think they do. We are told they do. And I think that becomes self-perpetuating, as you see women get older (I'm talking 60's upwards), and quite a few of them become more anxious, busier, whilst the men seem to get quieter and slow down. I can only talk of the people I know, who to be fair, are mostly related to me, so it could be the genes. But for the most part, the guys seem more and more rooted as they get older, and the women seem less so. They seem more nervous. Less confident.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now, that is probably just old age manifesting itself differently in the sexes... But I wonder at a younger level, a la 40's upwards, whether those differences kick in... and whether they are innate, or whether they are the result of where society's attitudes are at... I think there are probably very few men in their middle age worrying that their wives are going to leave them for younger men. But I reckon there are plenty of middle aged women panicking that their husbands will leave them for some young thing. That is the 'norm' that is played out in the media. Who knows what the reality is? I'd love it if in fact the statistics showed that more women are heading off to toyboys than the other way around!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm sure there will be women who will clamour that they get more confident as the years go by, and I totally agree with this. I just see that diminishing when they hit pension age. And I hope that for my generation, that changes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But, to return to the age gap. We live in a world where Trevor Eve gets to shag a woman younger than his daughter on BBC1. Ditto Michael Douglas, Harrison Ford, probably Tom Cruise in a few years. Unless he gets to shag a man young enough to be his son, and that would be a turn up for the books..... And it's not just the dramas and the movies - TV and News presenters follow a similar pattern - the man is usually a good 10yrs older than the woman.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, in such a world, where the media perpetuates the age gaps, representative or not, is there not some irony in the hubbub that is the reporting on 15yr old Megan Stammers and her 30yr old Maths teacher?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm not saying it's right - at 15yrs, she maybe mature for her age, she may know her own mind, but she isn't an adult, not really. I don't think I hit what I would define as proper adulthood until my mid 20's. So although she thinks she knows what she is doing, she probably doesn't. And he, at 30yrs, one would hope, should know better. I also think the police are worried for her safety, given the parental appeals, so I really do hope that he isn't a nutter, that she is safe and well, and that they have the presence of mind to return home to families and friends that are worried about them.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But, a 15yr age gap further down the line would be neither here nor there. And in less than 12 months, she will be 16yrs, legal to all intents and purposes. There has to a line drawn somewhere, but given that we consider age to be so arbitrary as time goes on, is there not a little hypocrisy in an outcry that probably wouldn't make the news if she was 16?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We can't have it both ways - we can't glamourise older men with significantly younger women, and then not be willing to deal with the consequences. I'm not saying that those media stereotypes provoke age gap relationships, but I'm saying that the reportage and repetition of those stereotypes has its effects. The more we see it, the more normal it becomes. And I'm not saying that it's not normal :-) I think it's fairly common! Age is a number - we accept that; we judge individuals on their maturity, their behaviour, their sense of responsibility. And I guess that's the point with Megan and her older lover - it's not really to do with how old they are, it's more to do with the fact that they ran away, which is possibly the most immature thing either party could do. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And sometimes an age gap can be problematic. Like last night when my boyfriend was tired and wanted to go to bed, and I was wide awake. He said I should stay up. My response: 'But I'll have no one to play with"! Tongue in cheek, but you get my drift :-)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-44781625747995211532012-09-25T03:27:00.003-07:002012-09-25T03:27:57.603-07:00Holiday Hiatus<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Apologies for the lack of posts... We were on holidays. In Santorini. It was beautiful. So beautiful that I didn't do any writing whilst I was there, and have had holiday blues since we returned ;-) </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, normal service about to resume. In the interim, should you wish to visit the most gorgeous place on earth, here is a link to the <a href="http://www.santorinigrace.com/" target="_blank">hotel</a> - The Grace, Santorini.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Love Gem x</span>TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-72722540787051326562012-09-06T04:42:00.000-07:002012-09-06T04:42:35.869-07:00Bad Boys and Crazy Women<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Last night we watched the first part of <a href="http://www.itv.com/mrsbiggs/" target="_blank">Mrs Biggs</a>. A woman with an
oppressive father, falls for a man who turns out to be living with
another woman, has been in prison twice, and gets her to steal from her
job within a matter of days, so that they can run away together. And
despite the rather wonderful cast, I was slightly baffled as to why she
would stay with him. Especially when they were being chased by dogs and
policeman and she had to take her heels off...</span><br style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;" />
<br style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">But then, I'm a bit older and wiser. Which isn't to say that I've
previously been out with petty criminals. Well, not to my knowledge. But
I think we spend a good few years lusting after or dating, bad boys, or
to widen the scope slightly, inappropriate men.... And similarly, a
large percentage of men spend a significant amount of time craving crazy
women - inappropriate women.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;" />
<br style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So why is that? I think most obviously, it's an unrecognised fear of
settling down. At a basic level, if you continue to fall for people
that aren't interested in you, you get to bathe in the melancholy of
unrequited love, which, although an unhappy place to be, is also a
fairly safe place to be. You know the deal, you've already set the
perameters from the off. You won't be disappointed, because your desires
and hopes are already dashed. So you get to think that you're pursuing a
healthy relationship, that you're ready to settle down, it's just that
you're unlucky. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;" />
<br style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">And therein lies self-delusion. You're not unlucky. You're just
picking the wrong ones because you're not ready for the right one.
Basic, but true. But what happens if you end up sleeping with, or
getting into a relationship with a wrong'un..? </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What if there is reciprocal love with someone who is patently not right for you?</span><br style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;" />
<br style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">There it becomes a little more complex. Because then you can
convince yourself that you really are engaging with love, in a committed
way. When realistically, you're probably still just avoiding it, but
with the outward appearance of all being well. There is far too much
literature, music and film dwelling on unrequited love, on relationships
which are doomed from the beginning, but somehow suggest that because
there is so much pain involved, it must be the real thing - true love. A
couple of friends who shall remain nameless, were in and out of a
relationship for over a year - they constantly fell out, he even dealt
the Ross 'we were on a break' card, having slept with someone else on
some downtime. It was all very Burton and Taylor, and I think they would
readily admit, looking back, that they liked that - it felt epic,
dramatic, true. And yet, it really wasn't. Then she got together with
another friend, and it was like they had just fallen together. There was
no drama; they just got along, they were happy, they fancied each
other. There was a calmness to it. And it was like watching the lights
on a dimmer go up little by little - that that was actual love - that
was what it was really about. And yes, I'm sure they have their ups and
downs, but their relationship is solid.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;" />
<br style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Now, I know every relationship is different. But I think the
universality, is that we have to fall for a few that are wrong for us,
before we find the right one. And that's not just to do with not being
ready to settle down. I think it's also tied in with self-avoidance. If
you fancy someone who's tricky, if you're involved with someone who is
difficult, then you get to focus on them, their issues. And you don't
have to look at yours. I have many male friends who have dated a string
of mental, high maintenance women, and I think that's the equivalent of
us women going for the bad boys. So maybe us finding the right person is
also about us having sorted out our shit a little bit. Yes, there are
the lucky few that meet young, and somehow manage to grow and develop
alongside that person, and find that the person they married in their
early twenties, is still the person they want to be with in the sixties.
But I think those incidences are pretty rare.</span><br style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;" />
<br style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I can only speak from my experience - pretty substantial on the
whole 'fancying the men who don't fancy you' front, much less
substantial on the committed relationship front. But, without reverting
back to the literature/movie cliches I attacked above, there was a
sense, on that first date, that he was right for me. Admittedly, I did
go home and complain to my flatmate that he hadn't made a move at the
bus-stop, had I lost my touch, yada yada. Swiftly alleviated by a text
and subsequent dates. And although I spent a fair amount of time
downplaying it to my friends, in a 'we'll see what happens' sort of a
way, somehow, I felt deep down that we fitted, that he would be
important. There was no drama, well, other than me on stage doing my
comedy routine about boobs, which, given that he is a boob man, I think
sold it. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;" />
<br style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">And who knows that the future holds. Hopefully, we'll still be
mimicking each other and attempting rugby tackles (on each other, not on
strangers, unless we go senile) into our old age. And given that it's
all fairly new, I'm not putting myself forward as 'all knowing' in any
sense. But if you're reading this and you're still finding yourself
dating nutters, or lusting after the one who just isn't interested,
maybe take a step back and assess. I think I spent 2 or 3 years thinking
I was ready and wanting a relationship, and with hindsight, I was
neither. </span><br style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;" />
<br style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">x</span><br />TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-86996132379149680642012-08-29T02:22:00.003-07:002012-08-29T16:25:02.666-07:00A night in a hotel.....<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On Bank Holiday Monday we spent the night at the <a href="http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=hoxton+hotel&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en&client=safari" target="_blank">Hoxton Hotel</a>. Decadent, given that we live in London. To be fair, it was on offer, and we'd (well, I say we, probably more I), had always quite fancied staying there.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I could wax lyrical for the entire blog about what I love at that place (pretty much everything); the only thing I'd change being the standard double bed. As we are used to a super-king, neither of us got much sleep. Hey ho. Is a night in a hotel really about the sleep??</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I recently read <a href="http://www.alaindebotton.com/" target="_blank">Alain de Botton's</a> <a href="http://www.theschooloflife.com/shop/how-to-think-more-about-sex/" target="_blank">'How to think more about sex'.</a> As you might be aware from previous posts, I don't really have an issue thinking about sex often. But I'm always up for reading current thoughts on the matter ;-)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He mentions that couples in long term relationships can sometimes liven things up with a night in a hotel. To be fair, he does also go on to talk about couples introducing a 3rd person to the relationship, so I'm not convinced about all of it....</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I should point out at at this stage of the game, that I'd booked the room before I read the book. Travel magazines are my porn. I have a pile of Conde Nast magazines that are taller than a little person.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But a change of location, however small (SW11 to EC2A), can have a profound effect. Putting aside the padded headboard, a chaise in the room at a very condusive height, and the possibilities of a free afternoon, something happened, and it must be primarily the change of environment. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We ended up having conversations we'd never had before, revealing things that the other didn't know. We laughed, we explored, we took some photos in the photo booth... </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">but we also shared and listened in a way that we don't often get time to do in the average week.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And maybe that's just about timing, though I doubt it. I think it's more to do with a break of routine, setting aside time to do something and out of the ordinary, in a different location, and seeing were that takes you.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So go on, check into a hotel for the night. See what happense. Let me know.... x</span>TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8259374766532618965.post-31639599704969865762012-08-25T05:53:00.002-07:002012-08-25T06:42:34.866-07:00Obesity - What's it really about?<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yesterday's figures show that the NHS spent £91.5million on Obesity last year, and Gastric Bypass Operations have increased 530% in five years. As usual, much of the news seems at some point or another to feature deeply unflattering pictures of obese people walking about, or holding chips etc etc. You get my drift.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’ve always been slightly baffled by the way we deal with weight. <span style="color: red;"><span style="color: white;">I read a book</span> </span>some years ago (& annoyingly can't now find it), in which the Author suggested that our dislike of fat, our desire to be thin, comes from a deep seated and modern western Guilt about having so much. In the old days, plumpness was a sign of health and wealth - take a look at Ingres - our definition of beauty in those days was voluptuous, overfed, large milky breasts, as my boyfriend might say.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now, I’m not going to argue that being overweight is healthier than being underweight, or that obesity isn’t really as much of an issue as people make out. But I do think that our attitudes need to change.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’ve been overweight most of my life, bar a couple of extreme diets at various points in my twenties, and even then, I didn’t manage to get down sufficiently to fit into the ‘Normal’ weight category. At one point I dropped nearly 3 stone, and for a while, I loved that body, I loved being able to walk into a high street store and get anything I wanted, I loved being healthy. But it didn’t really feel like me. And slowly but surely the weight crept back on.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m relatively happy the way I am, but from a health perspective, I’d like to be smaller. I still have a desire for chocolate on a daily basis, but I’d say that in the last couple of years, since I vowed not to diet anymore, my eating patterns have improved hugely. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s a slow process. I’ve learnt to accept I’m never going to be a size 8. Despite a relatively healthy diet (and I use that word in the proper sense, rather than the Weight Watchers/Slimming World/Atkins/Lighter life sense), which is now primarily gluten free (unless I’m out and then I might indulge in the bread basket), I haven’t really lost any weight. Apart from about half a stone when the gluten free began. Which has stayed off. I also don’t really do much exercise, apart from walking whenever I can. So I have to acknowledge the fact that my body is such, that if I want to significantly lose weight, I am going to have to portion watch more carefully, and up the exercise. Such is life. We can’t all be Kate Moss. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But what I do now isn’t really the issue. The weight piled on in my teens and early twenties. I think my attitude to food wasn’t great during that time, and my eating was probably both hormonal and emotional. If I look back honesty, I think food was a way of regulating emotions. You don’t realise it at the time, but thinking back, that’s what it did. It was a coping mechanism for my everyday life - and my life wasn’t too bad!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now, here’s the crux. We all have a coping mechanism. For some it’s an abundance of exercise, and those endorphins become addictive. For some it’s restricting their food, and the sense of control becomes addictive. Some drink. Some take drugs. Some are OCD. Some watch movies obsessively. Some have sex obsessively. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">None of us are perfect. Everyone has their thing. Which is why I find our reporting, and our attitudes in general (and I’m not lumping everyone in with this) to obesity, somewhat disappointing, archaic, and frankly, dishonest. And why I find the increase in Gastric Bypasses terrifying.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know a girl who had a Gastric band. She saved up and had it done privately. Every so often she has to go back and get the band loosened or tightened up - every time she has to pay for that. And the counselling was negligible. I’m not convinced she’s much happier than she was before. And her weight still fluctuates. Yes she’s smaller, so I guess in terms of long term health, that’s better for her. But to me, it’s a marketing con. A way to make money out of vulnerable people. And it doesn’t address the issue. Which is psychological.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who have conditions which make it easier for them to put on weight, harder for them to lose it, there’s also some genetics thrown in there for good measure. But I’d hazard a guess that for the majority, their weight issues aren’t weight issues, or certainly weren’t to begin with. For whatever reason, that particular person sought to deal with their stresses, their unhappiness, their disappointments, in some cases their abuse, be it emotional or physical, with food. Some limit their intake, some eat to excess. But the initial drivers are surely the same? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, let’s please stop with the attacks. The ridiculous ‘They should just eat less’. Of course they should. Don’t you think that they know that? But they may have been using food as a coping mechanism for years. And you know what, it’s the hardest addiction to have, because we need food to survive in a way that we don’t need alcohol, or drugs, or cigarettes. So you try kicking something that deep rooted, that’s needed for survival, but is also your addiction. And it’s just as hard for bulimics or anorexics. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But we aren’t quite so harsh with Anorexia or Bulimia are we? Because they are thin. And thin is desirable. And fat means you have no control. And we don’t like that either. We like people to be in control of themselves. But I’d suggest that fat does mean control - the food is controlling the problems. Just in a different way.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">At some point, we need to start spending the money on counselling, on educating, on making healthy food as cheap as convenience food. And it needs to start from a young age. <a href="http://twitter.com/toadmeister" target="_blank">Toby Young</a> tweeted a while back that he thought it was insane that a government committee had suggested we teach kids self-esteem in school, and that that should be taught at home, innately learnt from parents. I thought that was fascinating. Given that self-esteem is so clearly tied up with our early years, and most notably, our relationship with siblings and with parents. And those parents have their own issues - a mother’s relationship with food especially is one that deeply affects the child’s. Or certainly did in my case. Parents often reward kids with food - when they do well at something, when they’ve tidied their room, or to get them to behave. It’s a habit you see in supermarkets every day. And it’s destructive, but perhaps symptomatic of a busy and stressful world. So, let’s educate our children, let’s help them, let’s give them self-esteem lessons. We teach them how to protect against STI’s, and how to work out Pythagoras, but the basic personal development skills aren’t important?? Really? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We need to learn how to treat ourselves better, how to be kinder to ourselves and to others who are struggling, and check ourselves next time we look with scorn on someone significantly over or underweight. Because they’ve just chosen a different way to deal with the problems that we all have, and theirs are just more obvious. Now, to lunch.....</span><br />
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TheGogginhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07167645633395566776noreply@blogger.com0