There’s the old adage, that when a male comic takes to the
Stage, the audience sits back and relaxes, but when a female one appears,
there’s an element of ‘ok, show us what you’ve got’. That’s not the case with
all female comics by any means, and I hope that in time, it won’t be the case
for any, but it’s an uphill struggle.
A female friend of mine recently said she
just thought men were funnier than women, and it made me want to cry and scream
at the same time. When probed, she said her female friends often had her in
stitches, but she just meant there were lots more male comics on the telly.
Now, I’ve written
before on the life of a comic being generally more suited to men than
women, so I won’t harp on about it. But I fundamentally don’t think men are
funnier than women. I believe that the majority of my generation were still
brought up thinking that men like beauty in women, and women like humour in
men. A generalisation I know. And we’re not all like that. Some prize money in
men, and the ability to cook in women.... you get my gist. But I think we’re
somehow pre-disposed, and that alas includes many women, to just think men are
funnier. And we have to work hard to dispel that myth.
But it got me thinking. It’s that element of trust, or
relaxation, that you sense when the audience are presented with a male comic
rather than a female one (I’m obviously not talking about the lauded ladies of
comedy, who have a steadfast following). And it strikes me that that element of
trust, or rather, that inequality of trust, based on gender, is omni present. I
fear I’m guilty in some respects. If we get a female bus driver in rush-hour, I
inwardly groan a little. Because, 9 times out of 10, the journey takes a tad longer.
Because the female bus driver is just a bit nicer about allowing more people on
the bus, and giving right of way to more cars. Whereas the guys just plough on
through. I know. As I’m writing this, I’m thinking Bugger, I’m totally not a
feminist. BUT I THINK I AM ;-)
I guess I’m just being honest about stereotypes, or just alas, giving weight to
some that should be dead and buried by now.
So, the trust thing. I think it’s huge in the workplace. I
see guys going in and asking their boss for more money, or for another member
of staff because their team is overworked. And often the men get what they ask
for. And the women don’t always get so lucky. So why is that? Is that because
women ask in a different way? In a ‘well, it would really help us if we could
have some extra support, but I’m sure I can manage without if there isn’t any
budget’ way? I’m guessing, obvs. But given that women tend to try and
accommodate more so than men, I think there’s probably an element of the way we
ask for things, that is predicated on not having the same sense of entitlement.
So, it could be the way we ask. Or maybe it’s back to the trust. Is it that
man’s world of where the guy goes in and asks his boss for something, and the
guy trusts the other guy, whereas the female team member has to prove it, has
to be on the floor, sunken by a heap of deadlines, before the boss will say ok?
I know what you’re thinking. What about female bosses? And
I’ve had a few. From my experience, the men still often get what they ask for
from a female boss, more than the women do. Because, women know women. We know
each other wiles. There’s many a married woman dying to offer you her pearl of
wisdom which, for each woman is the same: get him to think it was his idea.
Women have to be wily. They have to connive. They have to flirt sometimes. They
go via the back door. Not in that way you, you dirty mind, you J
So if a woman is trying to get something out of a female boss, she might employ
any number of tactics, but she might already be busted because her boss knows
them all. But when the boss is male, that’s when the female arsenal comes out
to play. Because it has to. Because that is the only way to milk the cow.
I don ‘t agree with it. It frustrates me hugely. Many years
ago my female boss told me I was clashing with a male colleague because I was
forgetting he was a man. That if he came and presented me with a problem and
asked for my help, I wasn’t meant to
offer him a solution, even though one was blindingly obvious, because he was a
guy and he had to work it out himself. Apparently I was to guide him to finding
a solution without him realising. And I was like WTF? I don’ t have time for
that. Do you have time for that? It worked for her, but I’m not convinced I
agree, or that that’s the way all female bosses manage their male staff. If
they do, it’s highly depressing. Maybe successful, but still, highly
depressing.
So, where do we go from here? Well, a very funny lady called
Deborah Frances-White, runs a workshop called ‘How
to be Charismatic in a Man’s world’ – teaching women how to use their
feminine charms to get what they want, and how to do so in an empowered way .
So, we have that option – to continue to use the full spectrum of female wiles
and ways to get the right answer or action. Or we become a little more staunch
about it. We go in a little more ballsy. We don’t ask for things but follow it
up with a ‘I can manage’. We be more male about it. Maybe we be a little more
selfish. Though alas we’ll always hit that other problem of a forthright male
being considered strong and decisive, and the forthright female being thought
of as the ball-breaker. But maybe we have to go through that to come out on the
other side in a few generations time, smelling of roses. Because as we all
know, all women smell of roses... of sugar, and spice and all things nice.
Don’t we??
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