Tuesday, 14 August 2012

What is Foreplay? Part 2

So, Foreplay.

I sat down to write about Foreplay a few weeks ago, and it threw up some amusing issues. Notably, that Foreplay is rather changeable, depending on whether you're talking about a 1 nighter, a fling, the start of a relationship, or once you're in a long term relationship.

Wikipedia says:

"Not to be confused with Fourplay". Amusing. And then...

"A set of emotionally intimate and physically intimate acts between two or more people meant to create desire for sexual activity and sexual arousal".

So, it's to create desire for sex and also sexual arousal.

Now, it was a bit of a running joke that in my single days, I often used to proclaim that "dancing is foreplay". You're essentially rubbing your body up and down someone elses and swaying your hips - that's how I like to dance, not the rubbing bit, but feet still, hips moving - saves on the heels and the sweat :-) No jumping up and down for me, not without a sports bra. Now if that isn't a build up to sex, I don't know what is. And there's the issue - it's really 'build up' rather than Foreplay isn't it? As my amused boyfriend pointed out, if I consider dancing an essential element of Foreplay, then we are buggered. Cos he does not dance. Well, not yet anyway. He's got a family barn dance to contend with shortly, and I'll be surprised if one of my Aunts, or Uncles doesn't drag him up for a Dosey Doe. Though hopefully they won't proposition him for sex afterwards, as I might....

But there is a build up in 1 nighters, flings, at the start of a relationship, that isn't there further down the line. If it's casual, it's highly likely it's been a while, that there is alcohol involved, some dancing has been done, and it's purely a case of working out how long before one of you suggests a cab. If it's the start of  relationship, there's a period of discovery, of exploration, of navigation, of speedy control.... it's a time for both parties to work out what the other one likes, and more importantly, for both parties to articulate what they want.

And then you're into the relationship, and Foreplay changes, doesn't it? There isn't the excitement of "will we, won't we" before you've consummated a relationship. There isn't a period of starvation, unless one of you has been away. There isn't the same level of exploration, though you still get to discover new things. But it's an entirely different ball game, excuse my pun.

I'd suggest that when it's casual or new, the challenging part of Foreplay is the Sexual Arousal (working out what they like, showing them what you need etc), not the creation of Sexual Desire. Whereas in a relationship, you know how to arouse the other person, but the time spent creating the Sexual Desire isn't there to the same degree. Because it's sort of a given that you fancy your partner, and that you'll want to get down and dirty. But it's quite possible that you don't always feel in the mood at the same time. Which leads me on to sex. And who initiates it. For the next blog post.. :-)

Feel free to proffer your Foreplay thoughts in the meantime... And I'll leave you with a quote from Rob Alex (no clue - if you google Quotes on Foreplay he comes up. Boom. Boom):

"Foreplay starts in the morning, not a few minutes before intimacy. Don't miss the opportunity to make foreplay last all day".

I think I'm going to have start getting up earlier.

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